TORY MP Penny Mordaunt ventured north this week to speak at the Edinburgh Fringe. She has since insisted that the UK is a “family”, and that we should all stick together in the UK blessed with “shared prosperity and security”.

If the UK is a family, Scotland is the child held captive in the basement of the family home, fed on the scraps from the family table and deprived of contact with the outside world. The UK family is actually the cast of a B-rate horror movie.

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The family income is derived from an inheritance left to the child but controlled by the adults. The child’s basement is kept cold and the child kept hungry despite the family having access to unlimited electricity and gas keeping the rest of the home warm.

The child attempted to escape in 2014 but it was re-captured and put back in its prison. Since then it has had no opportunity to try again but it is hopeful that by next year it will have completed its escape tunnel ready for a second attempt at freedom.

Brian Lawson
Paisley