The National:

TO whom it may concern,

I trust you will not think it presumptive or immodest of me to observe that I have rarely seen a job advert which so clearly had my name on it.

All my life I have striven to evangelise on the subject of the Union, and the fact that this enterprise appears to have resulted in growing majority support for Scottish independence cannot, in all honesty, be laid solely at my door.

A work person is only as good as their tools, and those of us committed to advocating on behalf of the Union have been given very little in the way of hard evidence with which to pursue our case.

Nevertheless, I am encouraged to note that the existing Union unit already has “a small, focused team of policy professionals, analysts, comms experts and external secondees with a focus on making the benefits of the Union clear, visible and understood".

READ MORE: Union Unit seeking new staff – but knowledge of Scotland is not required

I feel sure that with their active help and advice, not to mention a salary north of £60k a year, I would be able to think of ways in which to make silk purses out of sows ears.

While I note that relocation costs are not available, my transferring from Argyll to Edinburgh would not incur unmanageable extra expense. Although it should be noted that those of us of Glaswegian origin would probably require early enrolment in a course to absorb a certain level of culture shock.

(Can I assume that the post would be located in that big, new shiny and enormously expensive Scotland Office built to persuade people that the country weirdly requires a Secretary of State for Scotland some 20 odd years after it acquired its own parliament?) I do have to advise you of a certain current resentment at taxpayer level on having to pay for this edifice and, I believe, an upcoming twin in Glasgow.

But you may rest assured that I will strain every well recompensed sinew to advise the electorate that the PM’s levelling up policy of necessity involves just as many redundant infrastructure projects in Scotland as in London.

READ MORE: Nicola Sturgeon hits out at Union Unit for saying knowledge of Scotland isn't needed

In fact, should you be considering throwing billions at a crossrail project in Glasgow, a friend of a friend knows of some barely used old railway tunnels which could doubtless be brought into play at a fraction of the cost of that very, very late and wildly over budget project in the South East of England.

But I digress. My interest was particularly piqued by the suggestion that knowledge of Scotland is merely desirable rather than a pre-requisite.

Here I can assure you of my extraordinary credentials, having actually never lived anywhere else. Admittedly my knowledge of Northern Ireland and Wales is decidedly more sketchy, but, from what I can gather, you are absolutely on the money when you jalouse that the natives are more restless in Caledonia than anywhere else.

I very much look forward to being called for interview, at which point I would be more than pleased to give you further insights as to precisely how the Union unit might be able to do a more credible job than at present.

Yours sincerely,