The National:

TORY Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson has some ideas on how to solve a Ministry of Defence equipment crisis.

They are so incredibly, incredibly daft, that perhaps the only person they'll impress is Ruth Davidson herself.

Military chiefs revealed Williamson's "crackpot" ideas to The Sun, as the Tory bids to solve a £20 billion shortfall in the MoD's budget as it seeks new equipment.

"The man is out of his mind. No one knows what to do," one source told the paper.

How bad could it be though? We already know how ridiculous the Tories are when it comes to defence. What qualifies as "crackpot"?

Well, first of all, he suggested the UK could solve its equipment crisis by arming tractors.

"Can't we buy tractors and put really expensive guns on them?" he is reported to have said – though he denies making the comment.

At a meeting with his Polish counterpart, he suggested disguising missile defence systems as Coca-Cola trucks.

The National:

Will Ruth Davidson soon have some more colourful equipment to be photographed with?

An MoD insider told the paper a plan was also discussed to buy commercial ferries for around £100 million each, and then equip them to be ready for combat.

And would you believe that the man who insisted on keeping a pet spider called Cronus at his place of work was vain?

Because Williamson is also said to have "devoted thousands of man hours" to creating a UK Defence Medal.

It wouldn't be allowed to be worn with others, and only the Queen can approve medals for service to the Crown.

But, since he'd be able to hand out five each year to whoever he wants, it might make a lovely photo op!

All of this is worrying military chiefs, because it means Theresa May and the Treasury are unlikely to trust Williamson with the funds they say they need. And so these leaks.

A spokesman for Williamson said: “He is continuing to fight for the funds our armed forces need and he is not afraid to do what is necessary.

“He retains the full support of military chiefs. To suggest he is anything other than diligent is incorrect.”

While it's easy to mock these ideas, there's a serious point to be made too.

Defence is a reserved matter, and this is what Scotland is shackled to. A government in such dire straits that one of its ministers is seriously suggesting converting tractors into armed war machines.

And Gavin Williamson, when appointed to the role, was said to be positioning himself for a future job as PM...