There is no 'natural order' in Scottish football now

Immediately I thought he was talking about the Tories being in meltdown over Europe as they have been since about the year 1700, but I also thought he could have been talking about the clearly unpleasant establishment campaign to boost Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle because, let’s face it, she and the Earl of Dumbarton are showing alarming signs of being nearly normal. (Wee exclusive here: they are set to visit the ancient capital of Strathclyde early in the new year, but that will be as far as they go, for they will not be taking in Little Moscow, as the Vale of Leven used to be known, as that would be beyond the pale because Dumbarton may be the alimentary canal of the world but the Vale is four miles up it ... only kidding!) Or else my chum meant that the “ancient” United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, actually just 96 years old, was finally asserting itself as the world leader that it used to be. Yeah, the UK is really telling those Johnny Foreigners where to stick their European Union and it’s a place where the sun doesn’t shine. Wowee for us and doesn’t it make you glad to see Saint Jacob Rees-Mogg pontificating when he can never be prime minister because the UK is an institutionally sectarian state and as a Roman Catholic he cannot be King never mind occupy No 10. See Article 2 of the Act of Union 1707 if you want to check my reference...

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No, what my friend meant was that the natural order of things was that Celtic and Rangers were back to being the top two in Scottish football, at least according to Premiership positions. And as I watched Hibs humble Celtic yesterday I was thinking “natural order” – aye, right. Yes I know Rangers have gone to the top, but how long will they stay there and how long will Kilmarnock challenge before they drop down the table?

Perhaps I was less than my usual cogent self last week when I argued that the attendances at Parkhead and Ibrox pretty much guaranteed that the natural order would assert itself over the long term because the Old Firm are just so much bigger than everyone else. Ok, I held back – only a total numpty would contest that view, and those people who said there is no such thing as the Old Firm need to ask the millions who follow them the simple question – if there’s just a “Glasgow derby” why do the followers of each club detest each other so much? I will continue to call them the Old Firm because I know the history.

I digress. The truth is that over the piece, Celtic and Rangers will almost always be dominant in Scottish football, but just as with politics these days, there is no such thing as the natural order. The British Empire is dead, the UK is a busted flush, we are all going to suffer from England’s racist Brexit, and the days when the Labour Party stood up to the Tories are long gone.

So, too, are the glory days of Scottish football. Celtic have won seven trophies in a row but these have not been normal times because of the problems at Ibrox. The proof of my contention, just as in politics, is our place in the pecking order in European football.

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Yes Rangers put up a good fight before their exit on Thursday night, but at least they got to the last hurdle before falling, unlike certain other clubs who hardly started. Celtic needed Rosenborg’s late equaliser to put them into the last 32 of the Europa League and we should all be grateful that there is at least one Scottish club in Europe after Ne’erday. But is that it?

Does no-one recall the days when Celtic and Rangers, and then Aberdeen and Dundee United, were major forces in Europe? And I am not just talking about the 1960s to the 1980s, because Seville in 2003 and Manchester in 2008 showed that, not too long ago, the Old Firm at least could challenge and be a force at the top of the game in Europe.

For decades, the natural order of things in European football was that Scottish teams were respected, sometimes even feared. We had clubs that went near and far in Europe all those years ago and played decent competitive football. Nobody took the Scots for granted.

Other countries looked to us for ideas and creativity, and yes, they looked to Scotland for leadership in football. We gave it, not least in the coaching milieu where we ruled supreme with the SFA’s courses being the Formula One of football learning.

We qualified for World Cups and sometimes European Championships. We were regularly on the big stage, and our clubs won things. Now we are reduced to being almost nonentities. Like the UK, we really were something. Once.