I COULD probably write my column about Keir Starmer every week with the amount of gaffes, bad decisions and PR flops he manages to execute on a weekly basis.
This could be a dedicated Starmer space if I wanted it to be. Luckily for him, I have no such desire, but he certainly knows how to provide the content.
It sounds about right that the UK would be stuck with a Labour leader that is more of a Tory than some of the actual Tories when they are finally on the brink of electoral collapse. A typically British political conundrum.
While Sunak and his cronies might be on their way out does it really matter when what’s coming in replacement is just them in disguise?
Starmer is the human personification of the “ordered on Wish” meme
When you order a Tory on wish.com, they send you Keir Starmer in the post. So what is even the point in replacing them? There isn’t one. And bleak as it is in the immediate term, it makes the case for independence more convincingly than ever before.
We’re used to political incompetence in Britain. Arguably, finding a decent politician in Westminster is akin to finding a needle in a haystack.
Despite being spoiled for choice, Starmer might take the top spot for most incompetent and uninspiring of them all. The sheer volume of bad decision-making and terrible messaging is almost impressive given that he is being handed election advantage on a plate.
READ MORE: Rishi Sunak welcomes Labour's 'newfound support' for Tory benefit cap
How do you get gifted this polling solely because your opposition is so unbearably unhinged that the country is sinking – and still manage to torpedo your own campaign? Does he even want to win? It’s fascinating to watch.
I’m no Labour spin doctor, but I’d imagine being nick-named “Sir Kid Starver” is far from the tagline vision in the run-up to your party’s most important General Election in over a decade.
Finally edging back from the depths of utter political irrelevance, and you thought doubling down on child poverty was the hill to die on. Emblematic of the unrelenting political astuteness we are so used to seeing from Kid Starver – sorry – Keir Starmer.
The UK is in dire need of political hope. The entirety of these islands have been decimated and strangled by cruel Tory policy for over a decade and we cannot afford to continue in the same direction.
Such misery has been inflicted by the Tories that people are looking to this election in desperation because change is no longer some abstract concept that we desire, it’s an absolute need.
A somewhat unbeatable force (in an undemocratic first-past-the-post system) for consecutive elections, it seems the Tories are finally facing relegation to the losing benches where they belong. But given who’s in line to replace them, that hope seems to be fading as quickly as it appeared.
It takes us in Scotland back to the real core of the issue. Of course the Tories cause harm in Scotland, but they are not the cause of our problems. The mechanisms that allow them to govern us are. This palaver proves once and for all that whether England finally votes something other than Tory is irrelevant because their opposition has morphed into their virtually indistinguishable friends.
Scottish Labour must be squirming
The entire foundation of their Unionism rests on the fact that if we elected a Labour government, we could undo the harm caused by the Tories and we could all be one, big, happy family of united nations. Starmer blew that theory right out of the water.
I understand the rose-tinted lens with which Labour can be viewed in Scotland. Before SNP dominance, this was an impenetrable Labour stronghold. But the truth is that the Labour once popular here no longer exists.
Of course, there is the odd exception to the rule – Monica Lennon being the most obvious example of a genuine Labour representative with old Labour values.
READ MORE: Monica Lennon warns 'wheesht for Labour government culture' is emerging
Unfortunately for Monica, and those that share her views, they seem to be drowned out by Labour’s unforgivable lurch to the right.
One of the reasons Labour were so spectacularly rendered irrelevant by the Scottish electorate was the abandonment of traditional, socialist Labour values. If you asked any former Labour voter in any of the 2015, 2017 or 2019 elections why they had left Labour, the resounding response was “they left me”.
Scotland was left behind by Labour and has since watched on as they – unforgivably and in a desperate attempt to grasp power – jumped into bed with the Tories in councils across the country.
They became so lost in their tunnel-visioned Unionism, that they completely lost sight of their purpose, and they failed to deliver what the people of Scotland needed. Political irrelevance here is nothing short of what they deserve.
I find it astonishing that I’m even writing this column
That Labour have got to such a sorry position that they are defending the rape clause. Advocating for a policy that impoverishes children. Harbouring transphobes in their ranks. Refusing to support striking public sector workers. This would have been unthinkable in the past.
Even calling themselves the Labour Party is an insult to their founding members and the genuinely socialist activists that have kept them afloat, even in desperate times.
As much as I think Starmer is to blame for much of this shift to the right, I have questions for the entire movement. How could it possibly have spiralled to this?
READ MORE: Labour MSPs slate Keir Starmer over keeping two-child benefit cap
He might be the worst possible person for the job but the way this utter abandonment of true Labour values has been enabled from the ground up is the real problem. If they had an ounce of sense they would oust him immediately.
There’s no love lost between the Tories and I, but at least they don’t pretend to be any less despicable than they are. Being weirdly cruel is almost their entire brand at this point. Labour almost feels worse, because they pretend to be better.
This election should be an exciting prospect; the UK finally being rid of the Tories after years of misery sounds like the antidote desperately needed. Instead, it feels disappointingly familiar.
As much as this Labour betrayal feels frustrating, it sets us firmly on the path to independence. No matter what party occupies Number 10, it’s evident that they are worlds away from the Scottish people. It’s time for us to high-tail it out of here.
Labour Party in name only. Shame on them.
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