THE Gods smiled kindly down upon a weary public on Wednesday, as FMQs was delayed due to a disruptive noise emitting from the Chamber.
Insert your own joke about the Scottish Tory front bench here.
When I tuned in and saw MSPs looking excited and animated I knew it must be for some other reason than the beginning of the most dreary session Holyrood has to offer.
The sound, which we later found out was due to some malfunctioning speakers, brought the otherwise stale chamber to life.
The assembled politicians had the giddy air of a primary school experiencing a power cut, all nervous energy and breathless anticipation at the potential opportunities for mischief.
After a brief suspension, where they probably played a quick round of heads down thumbs up, the fun came to an end and the question and answer session got underway.
Or at least, it should have. What we actually witnessed was 45 minutes of sloganizing and electioneering, ahead of polling day on Thursday.
Douglas Ross rampaged through a series of his greatest hits. With the confidence of an X Factor semi-finalist belting out tunes from their self-funded first and only album, he was off.
The theme of his criticisms of the Scottish Government was "secrecy and incompetence". Which, incidentally, was also the theme of his first statement demanding Boris Johnson’s resignation.
He asked Nicola Sturgeon if she was "ashamed" of her record on – among other things – ferries, violent crime, A+E waiting times and the attainment gap.
In response, Nicola Sturgeon quoted a bunch of statistics on all of the above and added a few extras in there for good measure.
By this point, everybody was praying for the speakers to start shrieking again.
Douglas Ross went on to mention the Scottish Government’s "controversial" sex survey.
He better hope a similar survey isn’t introduced to gather information about the sexual predilections of MPs down at Westminster. Who knows what peculiarities and smutty references to farm equipment that would uncover.
"Tomorrow’s election is a chance to get the focus back on to things that really matter to people," continued Douglas Ross.
"Scottish Conservative councillors will focus on local priorities and stand up to this SNP government."
READ MORE: Douglas Ross told Tories will face 'full force' of public anger at council elections
"You really know that Douglas Ross is desperate and scraping the bottom of the barrel when he starts talking about sex surveys in schools," replied the First Minister.
"The fact is – and I suspect this has been well-noticed across Scotland in this election – Douglas Ross has spent far more time standing up for Boris Johnson than he has standing up for the interests of people in Scotland."
"When it looked as if the Tories were actually going to get rid of Boris Johnson, Douglas Ross ‘bravely’ called for his resignation.
"But when that changed, Douglas Ross allowed himself to be hauled into line and has just become the cheerleader-in-chief for Boris Johnson.
"No consistency, no principle, no resolve, no backbone: that is Douglas Ross. He’s not a leader, he’s just a follower."
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