IF ever there was a great week to have an ex-prosecutor as the Leader of the Opposition, it’s this one. His Line of Duty quips may have fallen flat last week, but today Keir Starmer is in his element as he grills the Prime Minister about his abhorrent “let the bodies pile high” remark and how the redecoration of Downing Street was paid for.

The head-shaking begins before the question is out of his opponent’s mouth, and when Johnson offers a firm “no” to deny making the comments there’s a cheer from the benches behind him. He seems confident, apparently trying to call Starmer’s bluff by saying that he should substantiate the allegations.

Now begins a carefully worded game of “Call him a liar without calling him a liar”, starting with a gentle reminder that ministers who knowingly mislead parliament will be expected to resign. Starmer leaves a dramatic pause which MPs fill with dramatic “ooohs” before assuring everyone this is not the end of the matter.

READ MORE: Boris Johnson refuses to answer questions about Downing Street flat scandal

Only Johnson can pivot straight from buying wallpaper to approving vaccines, and anyone playing the "European Medicines Agency” PMQs drinking game will be two shots deep before 12.05pm. Tellingly,  “Normally when people don’t want to incriminate themselves they go ‘no comment’,” replies Starmer, once Johnson is finished a tangential wee rant about council tax. He decides to rephrase his question in a multiple-choice format, checking who paid the initial invoice for the redecoration – shock, horror, no answer is forthcoming.

I don’t know if you’ve ever seen those videos where tiny clips of politicians are spliced together to make them say what we know they’re really thinking. The mischief-makers will be rubbing their hands with glee as Johnson says “tarting it up” in reference to Labour spending money on Downing Street, especially when Starmer follows it with "major sleaze sitting there!"

But enough about the Prime Minister’s private life, and back to PMQs. Johnson tellingly changes his language to state that he "covered the costs" of the refurbishment. Hmm. Interesting. Starmer reminds him he’s obliged to declare loans and lines of credit within 28 days, and that the Electoral Commission believes there are reasonable grounds to suspect an offence has been committed.

READ MORE: Boris Johnson to be investigated by Electoral Commission over flat refurbishment

Johnson is not happy. Not happy at all. After Starmer gives him a reminder of the Nolan principles, he’s furious. He’s ranting, snarling and jabbing his finger at his opponent. Where is the Speaker? This man is out of control. Is he about to grab the ceremonial mace and jab Starmer in his serene, smiling face? The “European Medicines Agency” klaxon sounds, so some of you will be seeing double as you try to read this. “Let’s calm it down a little,” says the Speaker. You think?! Jeezo.

The Prime Minister has only just about had time to calm down before it’s round two of “Call him a liar without calling him a liar” – and Ian Blackford is sailing even closer to the wind. There’s some kind of weird technical glitch before Johnson awaits a judgement on his language – “in order, but not savoury and not what we would expect” – and then he tries once again to wave away the scandal. Perhaps he hopes whoever said they were willing to dob him in under oath will have seen his display of spitting fury moments earlier, and is now thinking twice about it.

WATCH: SNP MP told language 'not savoury' as he asks Boris Johnson if he's a liar

Blackford is certainly not deterred by the little reprimand as he launches into his second question about “contracts for cronies, texts for tax breaks and cash for curtains”. Rather than skirting around the issue of potential illegality, he comes right out and asks “When exactly was money funnelled through Tory HQ into his personal bank account?” and “Will the Prime Minister publish these details today, or is he going to wait until the police come knocking at his door?” OOFT!

He’s talking complete nonsense, apparently! And quite gloriously, Johnson uses this as a springboard to talking about getting more officers on the streets. If the SNP would stop obsessing about breaking up the UK, they could be fighting crime! Tremendous stuff.

“If the Prime Minister was to walk down Bristol Road South…”, begins Tory MP Gary Sambrook, and for a minute it feels like he might say “and shoot someone dead in broad daylight, he wouldn’t lose voters”, but instead it turns out to be a boring question about “levelling up” at a local level. The Speaker must be relieved.

Thankfully Liz Saville Roberts, Plaid Cymru’s Westminster leader, is along straight afterward to ask the stark question “What happens when a Prime Minister goes rogue?” Bizarrely, the response is that people have a choice on May 6. I must have missed the fact that Boris Johnson was standing in the Senedd elections. With apologies to the Welsh I do hope he gets in, so at least we can be rid of him.