AFTER what seems like a lifetime of gamely trying, uncle Nigel finally has fathered the beast and mum Boris seems fairly pain-free, progressing merrily through the final stages of pregnancy. It seems such a long time ago now when the baby’s name was chosen to almost universal acclaim. A lengthy pregnancy all right, and attention now rightly focuses on what baby Brexit will look like.

Will he or she be a quiet thoughtful introvert, scarcely looking out of the decaying mansion’s windows, or perhaps be a more outward-looking child, favouring free movement of goods and people between countries and continents?

Or perhaps young Brexit will just be like the split-personality parents, Boris and Nigel, who favour global free trade but paradoxically absolutely no interference or input from the hated European branch of the family? And will the local extended family, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, be cut off too as they are obviously in far too close with the nasty old Europeans?

Will Nigel and Boris put up gates, guards and fences around the family estate and cleverly blame the Europeans for the Irish defences and Sturgeon’s SNP for the Scottish ones? Will they also get away with saying Uncle Leo and Auntie Nicola are not very bright, despite their seeming to be rather more capable of running their little countries than Nigel or Boris has ever demonstrated by actually running theirs?

Wakey wakey, Scotland. There’s some important family business to take care of and, if you don’t move very sharply, the southern relatives will decide absolutely totally everything for you! Your nice new Holyrood family home and office needs urgent extension and a bit of reinforcement because Nigel and Boris are planning to send up a squadron of Great British JCBs for a bit of demolition fun. JCB is, after all, a Boris backer and his absolutely all-time favourite photo op. The joyful proud parents with their new baby Brexit are due to be photographed there just as soon as humanly possible. Their favourite Scottish auntie Ruth might just show up at that photo opportunity.

So it’s definitely decision time for the Scottish family. Chirpy old aunt Ruth, Brave Brexiting Boris and Nigel or something better? We really can choose you know – even crotchety old uncle Jeremy agrees with that now.

David Crines

IT’S hard to see any sign of reasoning behind Mundell’s latest utterings.

As I understand the sacked, serial non-resigner, the man who achieved absolutely nothing for the Scottish population when Secretary of State for Scotland, will permit the Scottish people to have an indyref2 the NEXT time the SNP win a majority of seats in 2021 and only if the NEXT time the SNP make it explicit in their manifesto ... because ... this time doesn’t count?

These conditions as we all know already exist, but Mundell demands that the right to hold indyref2 must be reaffirmed time and time again to meet HIS stringent requirements. However, when it comes to Brexit – which he personally campaigned against, is against the wishes of his constituents and is opposed by approximately 62% of the Scottish electorate – he has no such restrictions.

His stance is utterly beyond logic, reason and principle. He offers no coherent argument against an independence vote in these material changing circumstances. No justification for continuing to impose an increasingly damaging Brexit on Scotland against its will. No argument for his standpoint other than “Better Together” when our economy faces Union-inflicted peril. But once the Brexit damage is done he thinks perhaps, maybe, indyref2 would be OK in 2021 if the SNP meet his demands!

Printable words fail me!

I Easton

REGARDING L McGregor’s dislike of the union flag on his/her new card driving licence, tge solution is to cover said flag with a small stick-on Saltire. I was given one at our local Forward shop, but I believe that sheets of them are easily obtainable online. Certainly makes me feel happier!!

A Duncan
via email

IN answer to L McGregor’s question in Thursday’s National, no, you are not alone in being thoroughly sickened by the antics of this dictatorship that is daily tightening its grip and plastering union jacks on everything including driving licences. Luckily, my licence now has a Saltire in place of the jack courtesy of an entrepreneurial stall holder at a recent indy rally!

Peter Jeal

RECENT research has shown that vegetarians and vegans combined account for 20% of the UK population.

Now people are being asked to eat less meat and instead eat more plant-based food for the sake of the environment.

As a vegetarian myself can I ask restaurant and café owners to be more imaginative when it comes to providing food for non-meat eaters?

Too often the meals on offer are limited to veggie burgers, macaroni cheese or cheese salad. It is great to find a restaurant where the choice is good, but unfortunately they remain very few and far between.

Harry Key