GADZOOKS – Sir Jacob of Rees-Mogg has ridden upon his good steed with tabbard flying to our rescue. News of his timely directive to his staff regarding which terms and phrases to use takes a weight off our collective minds. Gone are the dreadful influences of the modern cyber speak, with a return to the long lost Shakespearean, Victorian and, we must not forget, Hanoverian values.
It is, after all, hugely important that his snollygoster boss in Number 10 has an unimpeded route to greatness, and full rein to control and suitably direct the activities of the cockalorums, of which there are many, in his Cabinet. At the same time his pals in banking and business will have a clear run to fulfill to the best of their undoubted abilities their quomodocunquizing.
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I greatly look forward to the reinstatement of the rod, pole and perch; and the ability to pay for my National tomorrow with a selection of Florins, Crowns and of course s(c)hillings. I trust that the aforementioned lot will not be unacceptable to the good Sir Jacob, and that he will not suffer any disappointment in all of this.
He will of course also have to re-educate his beef-witted boss that he will henceforth have to refer to the denizens of the northern area of the Union as “North Britons”, as was standard practise in Victorian and Edwardian times, as evidenced by the family correspondence received by my family from ill-advised Southern residents over a century ago.
George M Mitchell
Dunblane, Northern Britain
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