I DON’T know how true this is but I feel it’s my duty to pass it on to The National. I’ve been sent a leaked memo from (allegedly) Holyrood’s Health Secretary’s office ... Jeane Freeman has allegedly issued a Scottish NHS alert to all GPs and psychologists to clear their desks of minor ailments and gear themselves up for an impending epidemic that’s rapidly travelling north from Westminster!

The virus has been identified as coulrophobia (the fear of clowns). According to psychologists it’s a common phobia that often strikes in children and can often continue to adulthood. I can confirm this fear is already present in my household. If the news is accurate,The scariest clown Boris will soon be amongst us!

Unfortunately there is no available immunisation. But National readers don’t fret ... you’re not alone! There are an abundance of helplines available ... All Under One Banner, Wings Over Scotland, SNP, the Greens, to name but a few!!! For our children’s sake ... let’ all bind together to fight this threat to our present and future wellbeing!

Robin MacLean
Fort Augustus