The National:

ONE of Scotland’s top lawyers and a frontbench SNP MP have become embroiled in a public spat over, errr, five missing grapefruits.

The Case of the Missing Citrus was highbrow from the very beginning.

It started after the SNP’s John Nicolson ordered a half dozen grapefruits from the Waitrose in London’s Barbican area, to be delivered by Deliveroo (presumably there were other items in the order as well).

But Nicolson was shocked to find that not everything he’d ordered arrived.

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“Hi @Deliveroo I just placed an order,” he wrote on Twitter. “Five items were missing. Within seconds your auto response says you won't refund. That's theft. How do I get a refund?”

It soon became clear that the five missing items in question were all grapefruits. And luckily, Joseph at Waitrose Barbican organised them to be delivered, apparently.

More than one KC replied to Nicolson’s original post clarifying that “when your delivery company fails to deliver all of the pieces of fruit which you have ordered that does not amount to a criminal offence of theft”.

But it was Roddy Dunlop, the actual dean of the actual Faculty of Advocates, who got the most wound up.

“For the avoidance of doubt, on no basis *at all* would this be ‘theft’,” Dunlop wrote.

“For the avoidance of doubt and in the interests of clarity, this MP’s accusation of theft relates to delivering one orange instead of six.

“That’s *exactly* the sort of thing we need our politicians to be highlighting. Chapeau, Mr John.”

He would later clarify that they were not in fact oranges, but grapefruits. In all, Dunlop went on quite the Twitter spree about the incident. It’s tiresome enough without quoting it all here. Suffice it to say, Nicolson took notice.

“Another busy evening on Twitter for the dean of the Faculty of Advocates,” the MP wrote. “Last night he was focussing on my breakfast citrus squeeze. He seems a little err… obsessed.”

“Not just that, but I quite clearly said it was grapefruit. Pink grapefruit. Not orange,” he added elsewhere. “The KC is just trying to appeal to his political base.”

Dunlop replied: “I’m not, John. But you do keep coming up on my timeline. With material that cries out for comment. (Indeed, I liked one of your tweets).

“I will try and bite my tongue, though, as you seem intent on subtweeting rather than engaging: which is, of course, a matter for you.”

Glad that’s cleared up then. We wouldn’t want anyone wasting their time on anything silly now.