I WAS brooding on my own incompetence when I reluctantly tuned in to FMQs.

A year ago, I booked a surprise trip to Disneyland Paris for my wee girl’s birthday.

But it wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I got round to applying for my out-of-date passport to be renewed.

No worries though, because Her Majesty’s Passport Office offer a premium one-week service, if you’re prepared to fork out for it.

I did, I waited, and no passport arrived.

One week turned into 11 days, which was when I started to really panic. In the days before, I’d be assured that it would definitely be here tomorrow. Then tomorrow’s tomorrow. And the next.

READ MORE: Douglas Ross withdraws letter demanding Boris Johnson's resignation

So I apologise to the party leaders for my inattention this week, because when FMQs started I’d been on hold for 55 minutes waiting to speak to somebody. And, no offence to any of them, but I wasn’t willing to throw in the towel just to listen to their predictable squabbles.

I could barely hear Douglas Ross over the sound of the hold music (it was something inappropriately jaunty, in case you’re wondering).

I did catch him chastising Patrick Harvie for laughing while he was asking his Very Important Question.

Oh, to be carefree and laughing at Douglas Ross. That could me, if only I’d ordered the passport before the whimsical Minnie Mouse ears.

Douglas Ross asked about maximising oil and gas production in Scotland. The First Minister said that work on Scotland’s Energy Strategy is under way, so we can better understand the country’s energy requirements.

The National: Nicola Sturgeon

“It’s not credible to suggest that the short-term solution to this crisis lies in increasing North Sea production.

“Existing fields in the North Sea are not currently operating under capacity. Expanding existing fields is possible but that would take months, if not years, and new fields take years, if not decades, to plan and develop,” she said.

She went on to say that we shouldn’t look for solutions that might look superficially attractive but don’t stand up to scrutiny. Which is an important point in relation to the energy crisis but also when it comes to online dating.

“If the First Minister is not prepared to move on domestic oil and gas supply, then what are her alternatives?” asked Douglas Ross.

Fill a balloon with politicians’ hot air and blast me to the moon. Yes, I’m still on hold to the Passport Office.

“Shouldn’t nuclear be in Scotland’s energy mix if we want to stop relying on Russian oil and gas and move to net zero?” asked Douglas Ross.

Shouldn’t members’ subs be increased if the Conservative Party want to stop relying on Russian donations?

Yes, I’m still on hold to the Passport Office.

Douglas Ross went on: “The First Minister’s position doesn’t seem to recognise this new reality. Russia’s war has changed the situation and we have to accept that.”

“We don’t do anybody any favours if we put forward solutions that don’t provide that panacea in the short-term. And what I’ve said to Douglas Ross – and he hasn’t engaged with this at all – if we were to give the go-ahead to Cambo, for example, right now – 2026 would be the earliest it could start producing oil.”

Hopefully I won’t have to wait that long to receive my new passport. A lovely Geordie named Chris has just picked up, and his voice is more reassuring than any politician’s I’ve ever heard …