BORIS Johnson won’t be coming back to Scotland for his holidays this year, reportedly telling friends he would only do so over his “dead body”.
Shockwaves from this breaking news from The Times’s political editor Steven Swinford will no doubt ripple across Scotland for generations to come.
The Prime Minister’s decision not to come to Scotland can’t possibly be anything to do with his terrible political performances every time he ventures north of the Border.
No, instead it’s down to a typical Boris-like gaffe. What a hoot that man is. Remember that great joke about Margaret Thatcher decimating coal mining communities? The Jouker’s only just stopped laughing.
READ MORE: Tories and Labour offer Scots 'nothing but insults and belittlement’
Well it turns out Johnson has got even more funny anecdotes up his sleeve, and it’s one of those that’s the reason he’s not coming to Scotland again, promise.
According to The Times’s Swinford: “Boris Johnson nearly swept out during his last holiday in Scotland.
“He went paddleboarding/canoeing and got into trouble.
“Protection officers had to swim out and drag him back to safety.
“He’s not returning to Scotland for his holiday this year.”
The difference between canoeing and paddleboarding is pretty sizeable. Could Johnson not remember which one it was? Or is he testing the water (forgive the pun) as a comedian does with a new line?
How far out can he have even been considering he was nearly “swept out” to sea, but the waves were weak enough for protection officers (plural) to literally swim out and get him?
Forget any questions, what could be funnier than goofy ol’ Boris struggling to stand on a paddleboard, almost getting washed out to sea until getting rescued? The front pages write themselves.
We’ll all just forget about his insult to Scotland’s mining communities amongst the riotous laughter, no doubt.
READ MORE: Michael Russell: The real issue with the Union runs far deeper than PM’s ‘jokes’
The Times’s political editor also faithfully reports a little more about Johnson’s holiday plans. Quite how this is “politics” the Jouker isn’t sure.
Either way, the Prime Minister won’t go abroad because of fear of a “PR disaster” apparently. But he won’t come to Scotland because of that funny ocean story, remember, not fear of yet another “gaffe” (read: wanton disregard for the safety of Scots by seemingly ignoring Covid guidance).
“He's expected to staycation in the South West,” we’re also told.
Well, unlike Scotland, Boris Johnson’s last trip to Cornwall went pretty well on the whole. Unless you remember his ostracisation by the other leaders of the G7 over his reckless Brexiteering that is.
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