The National:

ENGLAND is going to war with France and Scots are itching for independence.

No, it’s not 1314, it’s 2021 and the Brexit bonanza is in full swing in Boris Johnson’s Britain.

Despite promises of sunny uplands, natives in a British Crown dependency have resorted to indiscriminate musket fire in an attempt to stave off French vessels amid a fishing dispute.

Forget the Cod Wars, this is the Oh My God You Can’t Be Serious Wars.

It comes after Royal Navy patrol boats were despatched to the Channel Islands as angry French fishermen staged a protest in waters off the Jersey capital, St Helier.

The chaotic scenes have clearly spooked locals, prompting this frankly unbelievable report from ITV: “A man at Jersey's St Helier Harbour shoots a blank-firing musket in an act of defiance as French fishing vessels protest at the port.”

They even provided video evidence to prove it wasn’t a recycled gag from The Day Today.

READ MORE: France sends police patrol boats to Jersey as Brexit fisheries tensions rise

The man, who fired the shot from Elizabeth Castle, is reportedly a member of the Jersey Militia reenactment group.

Yet his brave “act of defiance” was not termed so favourably by Twitter users.

Academic Gerry Hassan wrote: “The perfect metaphor for Brexit British nationalism: a Jersey man shoots a blank-firing musket at those pesky, threatening French.”

Comic Janey Godley added: "Well now we’re all safe with Captain Pugwash at the helm."

Another comment read: “This is what the world sees when it looks at the UK. A sad, bitter, hate-filled, embarrassing failure.”

Coming on the day Scots head to the polls, the resonance was not lost on onlookers north of the Border.

One wrote: “If ever there was a symbol of this Brexit Omni-shambles. Time to have your!”

Jersey may not be a part of the UK, but it sure is paying the price for Westminster's Brexit obsession.

There is another way, Scotland.