AS reported in today's paper, the UK Government’s Home Secretary is thinking of sending asylum seekers to other countries or “British” islands and enclaves to be “processed”, ie have their names taken and then be sent home.
Once you get over the utter stinking hypocrisy of Priti Patel, who is on record as saying her own parents fled Uganda in the 1960s as they faced persecution, the proposals by her Home Office are almost laughable – well, they would be, if they weren’t so bloody awful.
Remember this is the same politician who told LBC’s Nick Ferrari in February last year “we are not changing our approach to refugees and asylum seekers, which is very different to a points-based system for employment and that particular route”.
Obviously she was being economical with the verite back then, as “changing our approach” to asylum seekers – protected by international law, don’t forget – is exactly what she’s planning.
So, in the spirit of Sir Humphrey Appleby GCB KBE MVO of Yes Minister and Yes Prime Minister fame, the Jouker feels he must supply the Home Secretary with suggestions for possible venues, all done in the most obsequious Order of the Brown Nose fashion.
The candidates all have to be far away from the UK – can’t have them kayaking here, can we?
So, first up has to be Pitcairn Island, the world’s most remote inhabited island, some 3240 miles from New Zealand. It’s a British Overseas Territory, so the 50 or so inhabitants will “dae whit they’re telt” by Patel – or will they, as they are descended from the mutineers of the Bounty who put Captain William Bligh in an open boat in 1789...
READ MORE: 'Inhumane' Tory plans may send refugees to Scots islands for processing
The lure of being paid for “processing” asylum seekers will be a huge incentive for other British Overseas Territories such as the Cayman Islands. Except they are all doing rather well as tax havens and it would be hassle.
There’s another island, this time in the British Indian Ocean Territory with good air links and plenty space. But Diego Garcia could be a bit problematic, as the international court and the UN have decreed that this island – home to a US air base and very little else – should be handed over to Mauritius. Wouldn’t like to upset the special relationship, would we?
There is an obvious place to send the asylum seekers, however. A place as British as they come, and which Patel’s hero Margaret Thatcher personally saved – or so she told us. Yes, the Falkland Islands tick all the right boxes for Patel’s Penitentiary.
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