1 LIVE in your living room the Scottish and totally excellent Susie McCabe is running her comedy cellar with a crew of her pals, some of the best comedians in Scotland. This week her guests are big Gary Little and Billy Kirkwood, get thee to your home bar and shake up a wee cocktail as the party continues into the wee small hours with the fabulous Dj’s from hip replacement. www.immersive-tv.ticketspice.com/immersive-tv-presents-susie-mccabes-comedy-cellar-6-week-session. It’s on Saturday night at 8:30pm.

2 ON Monday night you’re in for a real treat if like me you love Tim’s Twitter listening party, this week the front man of the charlatans is plugging Pearl Charles’ Magic Mirror. Regular readers will know the score but if you’re new to Tim or this column, stick the lp on your Spotify or stereo and be ready to go at 9pm and then turn to Twitter, follow @Tim_burgess on the night. All the fun.

3 SCOTLAND’S poetry festival StAnza’s mission is to celebrate poetry, to bring poetry to audiences and to enable encounters with poetry. The organisation works all year round to deliver poetry events and projects in Scotland and beyond. Sadly like all festivals, StAnza has to be online this year, there is a host of events, but I like the sound of the dial a poem.Exactly as it says on the tin, phone up and hear some original poetry. For all the information head to www.stanzapoetry.org

4 SPACE, the final frontier… Astronauts Helen Sharman and Tim Peake join astrophysicist and The Sky At Night presenter Maggie Aderin-as they assess how human spaceflight has helped us appreciate our planet. From the incredible insights we’ve gained about Earth to enabling us to track the effects of climate change. Speakers include: Helen Sharman: The first British astronaut. Tuesday at 7.30. For info go to www.sciencemuseum.org.uk/see-and-do/climate-talks

5 WELL we may not get out for a pint of the black stuff but we can still celebrate. Awaken Ireland! is the theme of this year’s St Patrick’s Festival, offering a clarion call to Irish people worldwide to throw off the long, dark months and rise to embrace the brighter days ahead.For this year’s online event, hundreds of artists, musicians, performers, makers, creators, arts and live events workers and community organisations across Ireland are gathering to celebrate via St Patrick’s Festival TV, a dedicated online global TV channel that launched last week, and runs over six virtual days and nights. For more info head over to www.rte.ie.

6 M’ON the wummin… Female pirates head over to Eventbrite on Monday at 6pm and discover more about the badass women who broke the rules. Drawing on the knowledge of writers, performers and academics, we explore female piracy. We look at trailblazers who forged their own future and followed their desire for freedom in an incredibly male dominated society. From Grace O’Malley – the 16th century Mistress of the Western Waves, a woman who was truly before her time – to Anne Bonny and Mary Read, who pushed gender and sexual boundaries amidst the cutlasses and marauding on the high seas. www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/rebel-women-female-pirates.

7 WITH a serious lack of events to go to, can I take a moment to recommend a fab and funny podcast that’s there for the listening. The one and only Des Clarke, one of our best homegrown comics, breaks the news every week and its available for download all week. This week he has Ashley Storrie on blethering, Ashley herself is a fab comedian and she’s also the daughter of our beloved Janey Godley.

Head to www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000szv8