LOOK: I don’t want to add to anxiety levels, what with a pandemic rampaging about and some pubs not serving alcohol and everything. But Conservative Home’s poll asking Tory members what they think of their ministerial team really is downright alarming.
I mean top of the Tory pops is Liz Truss (Liz Truss!). You remember Liz? Well maybe not. She’s the superstar trade czar who managed to nail down a deal with Japan which was significantly worse than the one we already had through the EU.
A startling example of which will be our enviable ability to flog them cheese so long as there is some quota left after Europe has its way with it. We’ll definitely maybe be right in there after the Brie and Gouda boys (or perhaps not).
READ MORE: Conservative satisfaction with Scottish figures is weak, new poll shows
Or you might remember her party conference speech, most notable for her constant pauses for non-existent applause.
Anyway Liz knocked the Chancellor into second spot, down six points from last year doubtless for giving too many hard-earned shareholder profits to the furloughed.
A wee health warning here: Conservative Home is on the right of the party (yes indeedy, the right does have a right-wing), and is really keen on Brexit and really not keen on any curbs on personal liberty. Like not being allowed maskless coughing.
It also likes guns and stuff, which is why Defence Secretary Ben Wallace has raced up the poll to third place, gaining 26 new points after getting an agreement to buy lots of shiny new toys - the better to ensure these foreigners know their place. The ones Priti wants to stop coming here – unless they’re “high value” investment types. Ah yes Priti; right up there at number six, with a couple of points more than the blessed and hyphenated Jacob.
And what of our boys? What of the Scots Tories who have climbed the greasy pole of preferment? Well it pains me (not really) to report that Mr Alister Jack comes in at number 22 with just 13 points. Maybe the English voters don’t know who he is, or what he’s for. A confusion they share with much of the Scottish electorate.
On the other hand, Jack is one place above a certain B Johnson who’s supposed to be minding the whole shop. The Prime Minister, the first among equals, hovers at just under 3 points, whilst his hapless Health Secretary, toiling night and day to persuade the nation he’s got any of his sums right, misses out on relegation by just 0.4 points.
Douglas Ross comes in at a rather more respectable 27.8 points, just under Michael Gove who dropped a startling 24 points over the year. Probably not as a result of building a lorry park on a flood plain – these voters will settle for any kind of Brexit going. Just as long as they are A SOVEREIGN STATE WHICH BUILDS ITS OWN SPITFIRES. No, Conservative Home’s take on Govey’s nosedive is that he’s been far too keen on encouraging Covidy type restrictions.
But hold hard. This somewhat niche electorate is not entirely as green as its cabbage looking. (Actually not very green at all!). Because whilst it may not be as adept as we’d like at the old numpty spotting, it can still tell when it’s being made to look a total mug.
Not even this lot can understand how and why Gavin Williamson wound up as Education Secretary.
Williamson, who is to academia what I am to hang-gliding, is rated at MINUS 22.6. When even the new model, righter than right Tory Party thinks you’re an embarrassment – time to give the red box back to Daddy. Not that he’ll know what to do with it.
Why are you making commenting on The National only available to subscribers?
We know there are thousands of National readers who want to debate, argue and go back and forth in the comments section of our stories. We’ve got the most informed readers in Scotland, asking each other the big questions about the future of our country.
Unfortunately, though, these important debates are being spoiled by a vocal minority of trolls who aren’t really interested in the issues, try to derail the conversations, register under fake names, and post vile abuse.
So that’s why we’ve decided to make the ability to comment only available to our paying subscribers. That way, all the trolls who post abuse on our website will have to pay if they want to join the debate – and risk a permanent ban from the account that they subscribe with.
The conversation will go back to what it should be about – people who care passionately about the issues, but disagree constructively on what we should do about them. Let’s get that debate started!
Callum Baird, Editor of The National
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel