THE Conservative central office are urgently looking for a vaccine for an illness that is threatening the heart of government, the dreaded foot-in-mouth disease. Fears are being privately expressed that it has struck at the very top of the Tory leadership.

Judging by the escalating rate of embarrassing gaffes, it is considered by privately contracted epidemiologists to be out of control.

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Speculation mounts that the most recent alleged victim, the Prime Minister, has been quarantined and due to online media opinion that the illness could even be transmitted through Zoom conferencing, has had his mouse, keyboard and smartphone removed for his own good.

Insiders have dubbed it the truth syndrome, where its devastating effects makes the victims unaware that they are telling the truth regardless of the consequences. In-house medics who are attending the afflicted hope a vaccine will be found before May of next year.

Mike Herd