AS you may know, I am in bed with Michael Gove, having named my paralysed left leg after my favourite political person because it’s useless and getting in the way of my independence.

I was reading up about Gove, the dead leg of politics, and his great new plan to save the Union by challenging the SNP. Is that it?

I also saw on Twitter that Tim Montgomerie, the creator of ConservativeHome who is always on Sky News reviews Torying at us, had suggested that his great plan to save the Union was to have a Conservative Ministry of Social Justice headed by Baroness Ruth “Rape Clause” Davidson.

Yes, I thought, being lectured on social justice by Ruth Davidson, a woman that defended the rape clause, will completely change my mind about independence. I have totally seen the error of my ways now …

I said to Montgomerie: “I am thinking more clearly and logically about Scottish politics than you are, Tim, and I have just had a stroke.”

Lectures on social justice from Ruth Davidson? The Tories are to social justice what Donald Trump is to truth and humility. It is gobsmacking just how detached from reality they are.

Gove’s plan proves it. He is to get some press officers to counter the SNP propaganda because that is what is making us all support independence.

Apparently, according to Michael Gove, he has to get press officers to lecture the Scottish media because it is so uncritically in favour of the SNP and Scottish independence.

That is what happens when you get all your information about Scotland from reading the comments section on The Scotsman’s website.

It’s just astonishing that the Tories do not have a clue about the reality of Scotland. They think the reason we support Scottish independence is because the Scottish media is so in favour of the SNP. Have they ever even seen a Scottish newspaper? After all, only one newspaper actually supports independence – and you’re reading it.

Have they ever seen the BBC? The BBC’s idea of having a debate on Scottish independence is to have three Unionist politicians and nobody supporting independence – that’s how uncritical they are.

So the great Dead Leg’s idea to save the Union is to give us more of the stuff that is already putting us off. Yep, that will work …

The reason why so many of us are supporting independence is not because of SNP propaganda, it’s because the Tories are so pish. Gove and his ilk just don’t realise that more people are supporting independence because they have realised what a bunch of bastards the Tories are.

Before I finish, a wee word on my condition which is improving very slowly. I would like to give a huge thanks to everyone who has contributed to my crowdfunder. I would especially like to thank Bronwyn Gilgallon, @planetBGlasgow, whose online shop is here and who auctioned off some of her artwork and raised £700.

In my initial ward at the Southern General in Glasgow, the guy opposite me was an Orangeman doing a fair impersonation of Mason Boyne, the character created by Robbie Coltrane 30-odd years ago.

He told me the reason dogs get mistreated in Spain is because the people there are all Catholic. Then when he found out that I was getting moved to a different ward he said Catholics get better treatment.

I thought: “What if he finds out I’m an independence campaigner and I’m gay?” So I messaged my husband Peter – who has been my rock throughout this awful experience and never more so

than when the Wee Ginger Dug died – and said: “Can you Get on Amazon and buy me the pinkest, glitteriest feather boa you can find, as I’m going to show it to Mason Boyne and say ‘this is the boa my father woa’.”

In that new ward was Brian Quail, the well-known CND campaigner who was my teacher at St Ambrose School. It was great to see a friendly face. He had a heart attack and a stroke just to go one better than me, of course, but the good news is he is mobile and doing well. One of the guys in the ward told me he voted No in 2014 but is now going to vote Yes. He’s doing so because all the stuff they promised us in 2014 did not happen. He said the Britain they had promised hasn’t happened and it’s just a shitshow.

So the growing support for independence is nothing to do with propaganda and a biased media and everything to do with the fact that the Tories have not delivered on the promises they made to win the referendum. Next time they say “respect the result of the referendum”, ask about them respecting the promises they made in 2014.

The Conservatives we are up against are not political giants, they are clueless idiots are flailing around in a panic because they have no idea how to stop independence.

What they need to do for a start is to stop Brexit and they are not prepared to do that. It’s a stark choice – they can have Brexit or the Union but not both. They have made their choice, and so have we.