HAPPY anniversary! It's one year since Boris Johnson became Prime Minister, so the leader of the opposition has a gift for him – it's a hot potato, straight out of the oven! Why did the UK Government sit on the report into Russian interference for 10 months?

But of course we aren't allowed to share food due to coronavirus restrictions, so it's quite right that Johnson refuses to take it, instead batting it back to Jeremy Cor… oh wait, it’s a different guy now. How inconvenient.

But never mind, this seems as good an opportunity as ever to state that Jeremy Corbyn was paid to appear on Russia Today and was basically fine with the Salisbury poisonings – claims he can’t deny because he isn’t here. Ideal, really.

According to the PM, the “Islingtonian Remainers” are just annoyed that the Russia report doesn’t state there was foreign meddling in the EU referendum – at least, not according to the unredacted portions of it published yesterday. Labour’s Ben Bradshaw is apparently just annoyed that there is “no smoking gun whatsoever after all that froth and fury” – oh, but also the UK Government is apparently leading the world in caution about Russian interference. It sounds a little bit like the Prime Minister is trying to have it both ways here, no?

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An exasperated Keir Starmer is determined to get his opponent to answer the bloody question, asserting that the Labour Party is now under new management and spluttering with pots-and-kettles-based outrage that he’s being accused of “more flip-flops than Bournemouth Beach”. Geddit? It’s a joke about people flocking to the seaside in large numbers and putting themselves at risk of a potentially fatal illness. Tee hee hee!

Speaking of coronavirus, the joke's on Johnson when Caroline Nokes, chairwoman of the Women and Equalities Committee, raises the serious topic of health inequalities and makes sure to call the Prime Minister fat in the process. The benches erupt into sniggers – haha, remember when he nearly died? Tragedy plus time equals comedy, old boy! – and naturally he takes in on the chin, thanking Nokes for raising the important matter of people “taking back control” of their own health. No doubt he’s already pondering how to work her bum looking big in that dress into a later exchange.

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Just in case it’s not already clear that silly season has started early, here comes Tory MP Nusrat Ghani to ask if she can recommend some holiday reading to the Prime Minister. I feel like an email or a Twitter DM might have sufficed. What next? Will someone ask the PM to listen to their mixtape? She recommends that baby Wilfred be introduced to Winnie The Pooh, quoting Christopher Robin’s pep talk "you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

Johnson Snr will perhaps need to repeat that mantra to himself in the mirror tomorrow morning – before heading to Scotland to meet a population that views him as a weak, deluded coward of very little brain.