THESE last few weeks have given us cause for optimism. We had seven days with no deaths from Coronavirus, new daily cases have remained reassuringly low and the pubs and hairdressers are back open for business.

We perhaps shouldn’t be surprised that Boris Johnson saw Scots looking more cheerful than they have been in months and decided it was time to come up here to remind us how shit everything is.

It has been reported that the Prime Minister will do a tour of Scotland in the coming days. It’s not been confirmed whether he will meet any actual Scottish people or if he’s too scared to because the boos from last time are still ringing in his ears.

The driving force behind his visit means he probably won’t be under any illusions about what kind of reception he will receive.

The reason for his visit is apparently UK government "panic" about the growing and consistent support for independence and the SNP’s predicted success in the 2021 Holyrood election.

READ MORE: Nicola Sturgeon has the perfect response to Boris Johnson's Scottish tour

From the party that brought you hits such as ‘Drive To Test Your Eyesight’ and ‘Chris Grayling Is The Man For The Job’ we now have another belter of a tune: Boris Seduces Scotland.

I get it, I do.

He’s the prime minister of the United Kingdom and he’s got to be seen to be interested in what’s going in Scotland. We all know he’d rather be literally anywhere else, but this is politics: bullshit is part of the job.

You have to wonder about the decision-making process though. Nicola Sturgeon’s approval ratings are through the roof. The prime minister’s hover somewhere between the earth’s molten core and hell itself: yet the Tories genuinely believe MORE Boris will solve their Scotland problem.

I know that Dominic Cummings’ Durham disaster proved once and for all that he’s not the strategic genius he is made out to be. But the decision to send Boris Johnson to Scotland to try and win back support for the Union has me seriously questioning whether he could be a Nat double-agent.

Boris Johnson is the best campaigning tool - and tool for campaigning - that the Yes movement could wish for. The only way he could ever be an asset for the No side is if he did one of his wee Brexit switcharoos and came out as a badge-wearing, foam-finger-wagging supporter of independence for Scotland.

It has also been reported that the prime minister will hold a briefing for senior ministers to discuss how to stop the SNP winning a landslide in the 2021 Holyrood election.

The party’s Scottish director Mark McInnes will present polling data while Secretary of State for Scotland C-lister Jack is said to have been put in charge of making the teas and coffees. They will be providing guidance for the Scottish Tories about how to fight the SNP on their record in government. That’s always a strong strategy for an opposition party in an election, but they’d better hope that the SNP don’t do a Johnson and simply refuse to turn up to interviews and debates.

A quote given by a UK cabinet minister to the Sunday Times gives us an insight into the mood in Downing Street about the majority support for independence: "Michael Gove is in panic mode about the Union and Boris is in an irritated mode." Because nothing says "We love you Scotland, don’t leave" quite like mild irritation at voters in Scotland. As a long-term singleton, the UK Government can take it from me that irritability is not the best seduction technique.

Johnson’s visit will be entertaining if nothing else. I just hope he doesn’t single-handedly crush the nation’s morale.

That’s assuming the visit actually goes ahead. Remember, Boris Johnson says there is no such thing as a border between Scotland and England. For all we know he might get confused and end up touring Carlisle instead. Poor sods.