‘I’ve never noticed how much of a hugger I am until I’ve not been able to do it any more,” says David Smith, a humanist celebrant from Glasgow who is having to adapt funerals in the age of Covid-19.

“Our instinct is to comfort someone through touch. It’s very strange not to do it.”

Smith, who qualified as a celebrant – and started performing funerals and weddings – in 2017 has found funerals that he’s led in recent weeks tough. His mother works for the NHS and so he reckons he was alerted to the impending crisis sooner than many. But the impact still comes as a shock. One of the most difficult things for many has been the way that the highly infectious disease has meant that funerals must only be attended by close family – 10 at most – with each household socially distanced from each other. Those who are symptomatic or socially isolating, of course, cannot come at all.

“The first thing that happened was that we were advised to stop handshaking,” remembers Smith. “Then the stricter restrictions came in.

“I’ve done a couple now with just 10 people, all at social distance. It’s a very strange time for families because they don’t feel like people are getting the send-off that they deserve.

“I’ve been trying to make it as comprehensive for people as possible – to ensure people still have a fitting memorial. But you can’t tell the story in the same way when there are so few people there that knew someone intimately.

“It becomes more like a conversation. It’s more like ‘You told me about this thing that happened and that it meant a lot to you’.

He adds: “You are not just the storyteller – you are more involved.

“What I find difficult is that I usually step down and give the family a hug at the end and I can’t do that of course.

“But families are so resilient. I think Scottish people draw a kind of strength from a black sense of humour and I think that sometimes makes it less difficult.”

It’s important, though, says Smith not to minimise the pain of this time and the way the restrictions are affecting the grieving process: “I think it’s important to acknowledge how unfair this all feels. It helps to have an honest conversation about how frustrating it is and not expect them to have a stiff upper lip. I can let people know that I feel that. At the moment it’s heartbreakingly awful.”

It’s almost as if some of the grieving process has to go on hold he admits and he wonders if we will see larger memorial services held much later when the restrictions are finally lifted. “People may feel that they need to go back and celebrate people’s lives then,” he says. “And give them a proper send-off.”

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