IT’S been another busy news week. So what was the big story everyone was talking about on the editorial floor? Was it the UK Government’s appalling new immigration points system? Or maybe the implications of the coronavirus sweeping the globe?

No. The big talking point last week was … who cooked fish in the office microwave?

This one seemingly innocuous act sent shockwaves through the newsroom. As the odour lingered – for days – our finest investigative journalists got on the case. But still the culprit remains at large.

Of course, we could consult CCTV footage. I kid you not – there is a surveillance camera in our office kitchen for crimes against food consumption such as the one committed last week.

Admittedly, these transgressions are seldom as heinous as The Fish Incident. It’s usually low-level crime, most commonly the pilfering of milk – although there was the case of the missing egg which really ruined someone’s breakfast. Again, the perpetrator has yet to be brought to justice.

Now you might think that crying over pinched milk is a bit of an over-reaction. Certainly, I would never grudge anyone a spot of milk for their tea if they were stuck. It’s when colleagues see fit to actually finish the carton and kindly bin it for you that it gets a little annoying.

Various moves have been deployed to try to deter the milk mafia. The addition of blue food colouring was a particularly cunning ploy. Decanting the white stuff into baby bottles labelled “breast milk” was another inventive attempt to dupe the milk-snatchers.

I think I’ve cracked it though. Ever since I switched to UHT skimmed, my milk remains untouched. There is the added bonus that you can go off on holiday and return a fortnight later and, not only has no-one stolen your milk, it’s still as fresh as a daisy. Heaven knows what they do to that stuff!

But the UHT compromise is worth it.

Meanwhile, a study conducted by researchers at Olivet Nazarene University in Illinois has found that “weird eating habits” by colleagues were by far the most annoying aspects of office life.

The study collated various comments from workers, which include the following … “A co-worker used to put mayonnaise in an old Dove lotion container, and slather her food in it. I’m all for recycling containers, but there is no way you could get all the fragrance out of that.”

“One co-worker would eat pot noodles on her breaks, but she didn’t eat them normally. She would cook the noodles and eat them without the flavour packet, and then she would open the packet, stick her tongue in there, and wiggle it back and forth until she got all the seasoning out. It didn’t look good.”

“I worked at the front desk of a spa and one day a co-worker decided it would be a great idea to microwave steamed Brussels sprouts for lunch. The whole spa reeked of cat pee.”

Terrible as these misdemeanours are, they don’t let last week’s transgressor off the hook over the fish. The scales of justice may yet tip.