HALLOWEEN on Thursday brought with it the arrival of the gruesome ghouls and souls of the undead that haunt the draughty Scottish Parliament building. These creepy, blood-sucking relics of the past sent chills through every person that unwittingly crossed their path.

But that’s enough about the Scottish Tories, we’re here to talk about FMQs.

Perhaps it was a traditional Halloween breakfast bowl of Haribo that had the party leaders so fired up, or maybe it was the start of the general election campaign. Either way, Jackson Carlaw was ready to rumble.

He spoke about Jeremy Corbyn’s admission that he is prepared to ‘allow’ IndyRef2 should he need SNP support to help him into Downing St.

With a puckish grin on his face, Carlaw asked "Would the first minister like to thank Scottish Labour personally?"

"It’s f*** all to do with us" muttered a despondent Richard Leonard.

Nicola Sturgeon said the only pact she was interested in was the Tory/Labour plot to help the Liberal Democrats win the seat currently held by SNP Westminster Ian Blackford.

Channelling his inner wicked witch of the west, Carlaw replied, dryly, "There is nothing anybody can do to help the Liberal Democrats." Quite.

Back to the argument at hand. "UK Labour’s position on indyref2 is a lot more democratic than Scottish Labour’s’’ said the first minister.

"The position of the Tories and Scottish Labour appears to be to say to Scottish people we don’t care how you vote; we’re going to ignore you anyway."

"Why would anybody vote for such a contemptuous attitude?" she asked. Jackson Carlaw would not be deterred from his ‘Jeremy and Nicola sittin’ in a tree’ line of questioning.

"The first minister would roll out the red carpet herself so Corbyn can walk into Number 10!" he exclaimed.

It was perplexing to say the least to see Jackson Carlaw so befuddled by the concept of a political quid pro quo.

After all, his is the party that bought the support of the Democratic Unionist Party in the wake of the 2017 snap election.

If anything, Carlaw should be urging Nicola Sturgeon to set her price far higher than a measly Section 30 order. Drain the coffers, shout "SHOW ME THE MONEY" at Prime Minister Corbyn. Take all you can get. Although, perhaps PR Queen-turned-disaster Ruth Davidson would be better placed than Carlaw to advise on playing the system to your own monetary advantage… Nicola Sturgeon told Carlaw that the Westminster system was broken and that it is vital that Scotland is given the opportunity to choose its own future.

"I’m a little puzzled that the first minister is being so coy", purred Jackson Carlaw.

He went on to read to the chamber some of the terms Nicola Sturgeon has used to describe Jeremy Corbyn in the past, including "pitifully ineffective", "unreliable" and "unelectable".

It wasn’t exactly a zinger from Carlaw. Compared to how some of Corbyn’s own party colleagues have described his leadership abilities, the first minister has been remarkably restrained.

Was the Nicola Sturgeon contrite? Was she inclined to back pedal to keep herself in Corbyn’s good books? No, of course not. Because he needs her more than she needs him.

"I'm not sure this will come as a great shock" she began, "but I think the leaders of both UK parties are completely and utterly USELESS."