DO you have a Brexit Cupboard? If so, you are not alone. Research has found that £4 billion has been spent in the UK stockpiling for a No-Deal Brexit.

I confess I don’t have a Brexit Cupboard, but that’s just because I have a natural predisposition to hoard. This means I have had the equivalent of such a cupboard/stash in the corner under the table/row of tins on a shelf in the garage since long before Brexit was but a twinkle in a Tory eye.

This instinct to stockpile is compounded by my inability to pass by a bargain. This means our post-Brexit diet might not be the most varied and will mainly involve pasta, tinned tomatoes, pesto (red and green), tuna, baked beans and, if we’re desperate and to avoid eating the neighbours’ cat, the curry sauce purchased without the benefit of spectacles. (What a bargain, though.) We also have more red lentils and yellow split peas than we can probably consume in a lifetime, even one curtailed by the privations of Brexit.

A quick inventory of non-edible supplies reveals 48 toilet rolls and enough laundry liquid for 86 washes (at 5.4p a wash. Bargain!).

This is all good, unless our son comes home from uni to visit and leaves with an aid parcel, although I understand he is at work on his own stockpile, made up predominantly of spicy chicken noodles.

A new survey has found that young adults, men and Remainers are the most likely folk to stockpile for Brexit.

A survey by data-crunchers Kantar has revealed that 9% of UK residents have already stockpiled essentials in advance of the UK’s departure from the European Union. This is three percentage points higher than the 6% who said they were stockpiling when asked in August. Analysts say this is the highest level since they began tracking the trend in October 2018. People panicking as the cliff edge looms ever closer? Surely not.

The research also found that the most likely age group to stockpile is 25 to 34-year-olds, presumably because they’re still young enough to have a future once the lights go out. And Remainers are likelier to have stockpiled, or will consider doing so, than Leavers. That’ll be the British Bulldog spirit for you.

I’m not sure how many Waitrose customers were in the sample surveyed. But spare a thought for them as the apocalypse approaches.

It has emerged that the supermarket is also stockpiling for Brexit, building up reserves of olive oil and wine for when times get lean.

This reminds me of an exchange overheard in the cheese aisle at Glasgow’s Byres Road branch: Male shopper, tweedy type: “Darling, do we have parmesan for the other house?”

Aquascutum-clad wife (a knuckle-full of diamonds confirms this, before I’m accused of making assumptions): “Yes, dear. But we probably need some more of that nice truffle oil.”

They’d probably just popped in to avail themselves of the free coffee.

Perhaps I’m being unfair.

Meanwhile, when the chips are down, there’s always Smash. Note to self: must start stocking up.