AUGUST is upon us, which can mean only one thing – the Edinburgh Fringe has officially begun!

If you haven’t yet had time to peruse all 10 sections and 450 pages of the programme, fear not – here’s a carefully curated selection of definitely-not-made-up* listings for the biggest and best arts festival in the world.

I, Mundell

David almost resigned from his job at Westminster, and then he was sacked. Now he wants to tell you the whole funny/sad story while lecturing you about threats to the Union and the importance of the 2021 Holyrood election. Promenade production, bring your own beard (no refreshments provided).

Until August 26, The Mound, free (non-ticketed), Pay What You Need to make him stop.

2 Clowns One Cup

From puberty to puppetry, condoms to clowning, music and masturbation, 2 Clowns 1 Cup explores everything unsexy in sex, with little left to the imagination. Sexy, honest and stupid, this new piece of extra physical theatre will leave you begging for more. Warning – you will get wet!

Today, August 4, 6, 8, 10, 13, 15 and 17, 7.35-8.25pm, Greenside @ Infirmary Street, £9 (£7)

A Clown Acts Up

From the Foreign Office to 10 Downing Street, from a TV studio to a wine-stained sofa, this one-man farce explores everything that’s horrifying about having a bigoted, incompetent megalomaniac in charge. Repulsive, dishonest and cunning, this chilling spectacle will leave you begging for Scottish independence. Warning – you will get angry!

Today, August 5, 7, 9, 11, 14 and 16, 9-10pm, The Big Top, £8 (£6)

READ MORE: Union JACK radio to broadcast from Edinburgh Fringe

Four Woke Baes

Multi award-winning US playwright Jonathan Caren’s razor-sharp dark comedy follows four friends on a river-rafting stag party that’s turned upside down when a mysterious woman kayaks ashore. Cynical and raw, hilarious and squirm-inducing, the play asks just how liberal “woke” boys really are when they’re alone together, out in nature, beers in hand.

Until August 25, 5.05-6.20pm, Underbelly Cowgate, £11.50-£12.50 (£10.50-£11.50)

I Am The Horrible Thing

Greg almost died on vacation in Costa Rica. Now he wants to tell you the whole funny/sad story and about the time he painted his penis purple in Hawaii.

Today, August 5 and 8, 11-12pm, Laughing Horse @ The Free Sisters, free (non-ticketed)

Jack in a Box

Interactive show starring Alister Jack as Secretary of State for Scotland, locked in shipping container. Does a bright and bold future await the MP for Dumfries and Galloway? That depends on whether the audience can solve the clues, strike a new deal with the EU and unlock the door, all within 60 minutes.

Until October 31, performances every hour, 24 hours a day, The Box, £8 (£6)

Now That’s What I Call Brexit

May. Corbyn. Boris. Mogg. The perpetrators of Boris the Musical are back. And this time, they’ve left no-one out. From referendum woes to constitutional calamity, relive the Brexit shitstorm. In song!

Until August 11, 13-18, 20-26, 8-9pm, Gilded Balloon Patter Hoose, £10-£11 (£9-£10).

READ MORE: Edinburgh Festival Fringe: Fond memories and controversy​

The Odd Couple

Comedy from the team that brought you last-year’s smash hit, Theresa May’s Left Elbow. Boris and Ruth might not have much in common, but after neither can resist the lure of a photoshoot aboard a nuclear submarine and someone slams the door shut, they end up as unlikely room-mates. You’ll laugh! You’ll cry! You’ll drown out most of the dialogue with booing! Free Union flag with every ticket.

Until August 20, 2-3pm, 67 Northumberland Street, £5

The People’s Boat

One dinghy. Lost at sea. Four disillusioned knobheads. Join Britain’s most dysfunctional quartet as they attempt the impossible mission of towing the UK away from the continent. After weeks and weeks of parlour games and pissing overboard, food is running out and patience is wearing thin. Wherever it is they’re headed, they’re taking Britain with them ...

Until August 10, 12-17, 19-24, 9-9.50pm, Greenside @ Infirmary Street, £8 (£6)

Three Woke Bros

Dystopian thriller following a trio of male MSPs as they attempt to turn feminism upside down. Just how much will they squirm when a woman wearing an “adult human female” T-shirt goes for a paddle in one of the Scottish Parliament’s ornamental pools?

Until August 26, 2-3pm, Scottish Parliament, £8 (£6)

* A few of them are made up. OK, half of them are made up. See for the real ones.