A BUNCH of teenagers, sun, sea, shots and very little sleep. Welcome to the lads’/girls’ holiday to Magaluf (alternatively, insert Kavos, Ayia Napa or Benidorm as appropriate).
I feel for the worried Dunfermline mum who tweeted her 18-year-old
son a list of rules ahead of his holiday to a Spanish party resort with a gang of pals.
The thorough list of warnings compiled by Lisa Brockie for son Finlay went viral after Finlay shared a screenshot of the messages, captioning it: “Ma maws rules fir maga.”
Lisa introduces her rules by saying: “I’m starting to stress about you going to Magaluf tomorrow. I’ve been thinking about some words of advice.”
Her rules include:
1. Don’t drink before you get to the airport. If ur drunk they won’t let you on the plane.
Just remember the Eminem concert. Well actually I don’t suppose u can remember the Eminem concert.
2. Don’t take your passport out at night for ID. Over the last month or so you’ve lost two provisionals, three door keys, bank cards, money and a wallet. You can’t be trusted. I reckon if u look over 12 in Maga you probably won’t get ID’d. If you lose it they won’t let you home, which wouldn’t be that bad but you only have about a tenner spending money.
3. Remember to eat. Don’t judge the price of food by how many alcoholic drinks you could buy for the same.
4. If there’s a boat party or even a pool party, you just stay away. Mind that time you accidentally walked into a pond and had to come home naked without a working phone?
5. Don’t get a tattoo or if u have to get one make sure it’s on your bum so that when you’re regretting it for the next 70 years it’s not such an obvious daily reminder.
6. Don’t have unprotected sex. A night of fun is not worth a lifetime of gonorrhoea.
7. Don’t phone me for a chat when u r drunk. I will only worry. I also don’t need video called in the early hours to speak to randoms.
8. Look after each other and phone me if there are any problems. I’m trying to think who out of the group is the most sensible but I’m struggling.
Lisa, I feel your pain. The truth is, though, you can warn them ad nauseam and the advice will still be blanked. As evidence, I give you the dislocated elbow in Dublin, the concussion in Kavos and the skint forehead in France. I will not be surprised if his next holiday itinerary includes playing tig with the bulls in Pamplona.
There were lost wallets and missing eyebrows, but no tattoos (that I’ve seen, anyway). But I’m thankful he did always come home mostly in one piece.
I do hope Finlay and his pals returns safe and well from Magaluf. Too often the summer holidays are punctuated by tales of misadventure; when innocent fun turns to tragedy in a cruel blink.
So, young people, spread your wings and make mistakes – just ensure you stick around to learn from them. One day, you will be the ones banging on about sensible behaviour to a pair of deaf ears.
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