THREE years after the EU referendum, weeks after May’s deal was rejected for a third time, days after our scheduled exit day, seven hours after a mammoth cabinet brainstorming session and minutes before the public were ready to burn their laptops and hitch a flight to Mars: Theresa May said she wants to talk to Jeremy Corbyn.

This is the Grand Plan, so intricate in its detail and finely stitched with political genius that we shouldn’t be surprised it took her so long to come up with it.

As May and Corbyn came face to face two swords-lengths apart for PMQs on Wednesday, there was an expectation that we were about to witness the first hopeful buds of this unlikely alliance begin to bloom.

Perhaps May would invite Corbyn to dance like nobody was watching. Maybe Corbyn would gift her some homemade jam or a Labour ‘’Controls on Immigration’’ mug. They might stand side by side in front of the Speaker’s chair and tell their warring parties ‘’Your shenanigans have brought us together in a way that even our shared lack of personality never could.’’ Their Brexit truce started off well because they agreed not to discuss Brexit at all.

Instead, they settled into a familiar rhythm. Corbyn questioned the Prime Minister on the shocking rise in child and pensioner poverty and May responded by claiming Labour would wreck the economy.

We know we’re in trouble when a discussion about policies that are forcing children to go hungry is deemed more conciliatory ground than the impending Brexit crisis.

When Corbyn shouted ‘’This government is a FAILURE’’ from the dispatch box, our hearts were warmed with the unlimited potential of the negotiations to come.

Later, when a series of Tory backbenchers stood up to decry Corbyn as an anti-Semite and threat to national security, Theresa May wholeheartedly agreed that he wasn’t fit to be in Downing Street but said she was looking forward to hosting him there in a few hours’ time.

Ian Blackford had obviously heard the rumours of Theresa May’s upcoming charm offensive and the whispers that she might want to engage constructively with those of differing views because he asked, somewhat optimistically ‘’Why are Scotland’s voices being ignored?’’ To the yelps and groans of backbench Tories, Blackford boomed ‘’The voices of Scotland will not be shouted down!’’ Theresa May can be accused of many things, but a propensity for shouting is not one of them - partly because the wiring in her control board won’t allow it.

Blackford accused May of refusing to engage in meaningful talks with the Scottish government and reminded her "Scotland voted Remain". May was quick to refute this scandalous suggestion. She said she was going to talk to Nicola Sturgeon later that day and – furthermore - she would talk to ANYBODY who wanted to talk.

She loves talking and talking is good and she was programmed to talk some decades ago and has been doing it ever since.

She said she was willing to talk about a wide range of topics such as how great her deal is, why MPs should vote for it and to what extent the Jocks could be described as ‘uppity’. If she can be arsed she will also talk about how ‘’now is not the time’’ for Indyref2, but today is not the time for that.

Her most favourite thing to talk about is "how to respect the EU referendum result", though not the one in Scotland – be reasonable.

As May departed from the chamber with pockets crammed full of cough sweeties and mild sedatives in preparation for the day of non-stop talking ahead, you could be forgiven for thinking that the only conversations the Prime Minister truly enjoys are the ones she has with herself.