Phil Differ: 10 things that changed my life

WHEN I left school I worked at British Telecom for six years as a works clerk. I did not like the job and needed to get out so I sent an adhoc letter to Glasgow College of Technology, as it was then, to see if I could get onto any courses. I was always interested in writing and there was a course called communications studies which had a vacancy. It was a completely random thing. I was also working as a part-time driving instructor and came home to find there had been a call from the college to see if I could come for an interview. I thought it was a wind-up but I went in, they offered me a place and my life completely changed. There I was going nowhere and I was suddenly thrust into the world of academia which I absolutely loved.

I was 24 and at the time I considered myself past it as I was a mature student but it started my whole writing career, producing and directing. Last year Glasgow Caledonian University, as it is now, awarded me a doctorate which was one of the most humbling and proudest experiences of my life.

2 – Discovering I was actually quite good at writing

I STARTED to realise I could really express myself through three separate incidents. One was a competition in school run by Cadbury and I won it for my year. I was in primary four and won something like 20 bars of chocolate. My teacher said she was sure I would like to share it – I think I handed over the Bournville because nobody liked it but the teacher said I should share all of it.

I got one bar but I enjoyed writing the story, which was about what goes into making a bar of chocolate. A couple of years after that there was a story competition on Blue Peter and I won a Blue Peter badge which actually was really crap as the pin kept coming out of the catch so it kept falling off. But I did wear it into school and was king for the day. Believe it or not, the story was about the sinking of the Bismarck, because I had an obsession with German battleships. It was very technical, very serious. Then when I was in third year in secondary school I wrote an essay called Lost about coming out of the football with my uncle and being separated from him and lost in this forest of faces. The teacher gave it 100% and said to me it was the perfect essay. I thought “bloody hell I must be quite good because of the chocolate, the Blue Peter badge and the 100%”. I wasn’t very good at maths or technical stuff but I thought I must be quite good at writing.

3 – Only an Excuse

IN 1986 there was a documentary about Scottish football called Only a Game, which I thought was ripe for parody. Being a script writer I had never made anything myself but at that time I was an assistant producer at the BBC so I told my boss who said it might make a good half hour for radio. So myself, Jonathan Watson (pictured below) and Tony Roper went into the studio with this script we had worked on and recorded about two and a half hours which we edited to a half an hour.

It went out and because there had been nothing like this and it was before fanzine culture had kicked in ... it was the only place football fans could get a comedy fix. It was a huge success and the BBC kept repeating it every month and put it on cassette and it actually went to No 14 in the album charts. Somebody phoned me to tell me it was in the charts so we went down to a record shop in Glasgow and found the cassette next to Ozzy Osborne. We nearly bought it we were so chuffed. It opened up a whole lot of doors for me and brought my work to a bigger audience so I started to get more interesting work. It was a pivotal moment in my career and Only An Excuse has become a Hogmanay staple on BBC TV.

4 – Becoming a stand-up

I HAD spent my entire career writing things, producing, directing and telling people what to do then one day was asked to be a judge to find Scotland’s next talented comedian. I did it but had no idea what it took to be a stand up and that rankled with me. A couple of days later I met Fred MacAulay, who I’ve known for years, and told him I needed to try stand up. Fred called my bluff and said he had a show in Edinburgh the following week and could give me a five-minute slot to see if I wanted to pursue it.

So I went along with five minutes of material. It was the most nerve-wracking five minutes of my life, the longest I had ever experienced, but I had never felt that kind of excitement and sense of reward before, so I thought it was wonderful. When you are a producer you are part of a team and everything is shared but with stand up it is just you and your jokes and how you work the audience. I was 47 when I did my first one and I’ve been doing it now for 15 years. I think it helps you learn more about comedy and it has made me fall in love with comedy again. Every gig is a challenge and the excitement you get you probably don’t get anywhere else. I’ll be doing Oran Mor again during Glasgow Comedy Festival this month and I love the challenge of coming up with an hour of new material. Stand up has freed me up in lots of ways and allowed me to express myself differently.

5 – Football

I CAN’T imagine what my life would have been like without it. The first time I ever played was when we moved and I went to a new school in Kilsyth. On the way home I played football with my best pal Robert Murray and his brothers Gordon and William – who is Andy Murray’s dad and lived up the road from me. I can see where Andy gets his competitiveness from as they were all so competitive and I was just running about kicking a ball. They played well and I remember thinking I wanted to do that and that was the start of my love affair with football. I became a goal keeper, which is actually hard work and that’s what keeps me fit.

I still play every Sunday morning and for that 90 minutes or so I am completely lost and when I come back to real life I feel like my brain is refreshed. It’s my great escape from everything. Being part of a team is a good thing as everybody is in it together. At the Comedy Festival I am also doing a one-man show called Billy Bremner and Me about failing to become a professional footballer. Bremner (pictured, right) went to my school and like many of the pupils there I thought I was going to emulate him but it didn’t happen. He did come to the school and this show is what I might have said to him if I had had the courage to speak to him. It’s for anybody who has ever dreamed about becoming a professional footballer.

6 – My mother passing

THAT was hellish. It was five or six years ago and at the time Elaine C Smith was brilliant with me because her mum had died not long before. She said “they never leave you” and that’s really true. It’s not that she comes to me like Mother Mary in the Beatles’ song but now and again there are wee reminders. I don’t see her but it is a sort of presence and a guiding. She was a great influence on me as she was a very wise person. She taught us to appreciate people and not to judge. She had that kindness always and saw the best in everybody. She was also into showbusiness. She loved the pictures and knew the names of all the stars. I have been described as having the patience of a saint and I got that from my mother. And baldness and glaucoma from my dad. The thing about my mum passing is that we had to get to know my dad. He is an incredibly shy man and lots of men of that generation have trouble opening up, but with mum passing we had to start supporting each other as a family. That was interesting as I had not expected to get to know him as well although there are still bits of him I’m trying to figure out.

7 – Meeting Ann

I MET my wife Ann when we were in the same class at college. I was the oldest and Ann was 18, which seemed a vast difference at the time. She got all these warnings about going out with an older man but we married in 1983 and have been married 35 years which is quite a record for the line of work that I’m in.

I was 27 when we got married and, in my eyes then, I was growing old and thought I had better hurry up. Looking back on it now I am 62, it’s amazing how in your 20s you thought you were old and that life was running away. I remember working with Rikki Fulton and him turning 60 and bemoaning how ancient he felt, while I thought “bloody hell, that’s old”.

8 – Seeing Deep Purple

THAT was in 1972 at Green’s Playhouse (left), later to become the Apollo. I’d never been to a gig before. It cost £1.25 and I was blown away by it – the energy, the noise, the playing. There is something dangerous about it, almost bad. I felt I could not tell my parents I had been to a rock concert as there is something primeval about it.

Music is still a big thing for me and I love going to gigs, mainly 70s rock bands. My son comes with me. I love going into record shops and spend hours looking for some wee obscure thing that makes me discover a whole new tranche of music I’ve never really heard before. I play guitar as well. I’m still trying to be Ritchie Blackmore.

9 – Meeting Native Americans

I DID a TV programme called In God We Trust for the BBC’s religious department about what a spiritual experience is and if it is necessarily to do with God. I am a big fan of American history and in making this programme went to Montana and I visited the Little Bighorn site of Custer’s last stand.

A day or so later I had a powwow with Chief William Walks Along and got a different understanding of nature. American Indians believe we are all part of the same big circle, that everything is alive and we all rely on each other. Meeting these people changed me as my spiritual side opened up a lot more.

10 – Having kids

BECOMING a parent is one of the greatest things in life. It completely changes you as, for most people, selfishness goes out your life. It is not all about you any more but about the wean or weans. Parenthood really did change me as the media can be all consuming especially in TV so the fact that there was this other world I could go to really helped. One minute I’m dealing with Rikki Fulton, then the next thing I am bathing my son and telling him a story. It is a wonderful thing and gave me focus. It made me realise that while work is important, family is more important. I was 33 when we had him and Philip is 30 now.