‘I’M not asking for a miracle,” sang Lauren Mayberry of Chvrches, kicking off the new BBC Scotland in suitably dramatic style accompanied by the BBC Scottish Symphony Orchestra.

And a miracle it will be if the new channel manages to meet the expectations of everyone who tuned in last night – likely a fairly equal mix of those willing it to succeed and those waiting for it to fail.

The contrast between the opening – epic, atmospheric, cool – and A Night At The Theatre could hardly have been greater. From the badly dated logo to host Iain Stirling’s tired jokes about being a Scot in London, to cringeworthy audience interaction, nothing about this show said modern Scotland. Nothing, that is, apart from shoe-horned in references to social media, which will mean little to those who got the musical references in Elaine C Smith’s stand-up routine.

Stirling is best known as the voice of ITV’s smash hit Love Island, and this show feels like it would have been a good fit for that channel – several decades ago. The likes of Britain’s Got Talent have proven there’s an audience for high-energy dance troupes and earnest singer-songwriters, but the arrival of Grado (a wrestler? A clown? I’m still not clear) will have had many wishing for a rejection buzzer to press.

This is a country bursting with musical, theatrical and comedic talent. World-class company Vanishing Point are currently touring Scotland with a slick vaudeville-style show, The Dark Carnival, an extract from which would have wowed. Instead we got Stirling faux-ogling a young man in the audience before sitting on his knee, then attempting to embarrass a woman with her own Instagram posts. Surely the budget could have stretched further than this.

Next up is Getting Hitched Asian Style, which follows a Glasgow-based wedding company as they stage lavish nuptials with hundreds of guests. If your eyes glaze over at talk of table plans, floral arrangements and mirrored dance floors this probably won’t be for you, but there are interesting moments, touching on the great difficulty of obtaining visitor visas for relatives in Pakistan and discussing contrasting Asian identities in England and Scotland. However, the main source of drama is a camera-hogging mother of the groom who relentlessly fat-shames her husband and declares that on the day her son was born, she was already jealous of his wife. Blurred faces of catering staff suggest a blunder during production, and it’s hard to avoid the feeling that this is a series-long free advert for the firm involved.