1. Living in Scotland today

I FEEL we’re going through a contemplation of national cultural values. There has been a period of significant upheaval recently, but in the middle of that I feel that Scotland, as a national cultural entity, is working to demonstrate a particular set of beliefs that have renewed my sense of civic pride. It’s about progressiveness, and that gives me a renewed sense of civic pride and shapes who I am at the moment.

It’s our attitude to refugees and asylum seekers, our attitude to free higher education, our attitude towards the NHS and free prescriptions. For example, I’m pregnant and I know I’ll get a baby box. I’m fortunate and have stability in my life, but feeling looked after allows me to go about my day and exist in the world in a particular way.

2. Gender and power

THIS current renewed focus on identity and power has made me understand things that I had taken for granted in new ways. It is wider than the #MeToo movement, but encompasses that. I’m lucky that I don’t have a story to report around those abuses of power, but I’m talking about the social discourse around gender and power – something that has made me rethink some of the things that I had taken as a given.

The #MeToo movement was difficult, but it was empowering in the sense that we knew there was no way back from there. Also, as a woman in a leadership role, it has really made me understand that earlier in my life I might have thought that in order to have authority I would have to demonstrate qualities that would typically be seen as masculine.

The current conversation about gender has helped me, and it’s clear that collaboration, co-operation and being able to express emotional intelligence are all qualities that are important in society. I believe it is all part of the same thing.

Even if you don’t have a personal story around abuse, the important part is looking back on your life and realising that those power relations aren’t accepted anymore. That’s the life-changing aspect.

3. The Arches

I WAS artistic director at The Arches from 2008 to 2014, and for me it was a venue that shaped a generation. This was a subcultural space where everyone was welcome. Anyone who was involved in The Arches – the people who worked there, the artists, the clubbers – everyone felt that it belonged to them.

It was about belonging to something that challenged the status quo. They could feel they were part of a community where different was celebrated, as was an alternative way of seeing the world.

Everyone talks about the loss of The Arches in their own way, and I feel that collective sense of loss. If you were a clubber you were part of the community, if you were an artist you were part of the community. It was a queer space where all versions of humanity could co-exist and be together. It still upsets me that that particular community no longer exists. As a place it was defined by energy and vitality and regardless of the reason for going there, when you went into it you felt alive, which is extremely important for a city.

Also, the fact that it reclaimed a post-industrial space and celebrated the architecture and life of Glasgow. It is still being used but it’s not being used in the same way.

4. Working in film and television

I WAS fortunate to work in locations, which gave me an understanding of the landscape and specificity of space in Scotland. It also meant I could travel to some of our most remote places, like Sutherland. That has shaped what I do now, because I think Scotland is defined by its scale and beauty and the sense of epicness that the landscape gives us.

At that time I worked with such a wide variety of people, from the owners of grand country houses in Perthshire to those working in the shipyards in Govan, where I had to gain permissions to film for Taggart (above).

It was a time when I learned about the fundamental generosity and curiosity of people, and, whether it is or not, at that time, it felt like a peculiarly Scottish thing.

TV is a much more hierarchical environment than the one I’m working in now. There were a couple of people, my first bosses really, who stood up and stuck their necks out for me when I was a trainee. It’s a competitive working environment, and it taught me what it means for someone to put their own professional reputation on the line for you when such a hierarchy is involved. It was a real lesson in integrity and doing the right thing in the context of organisational culture.

5. Motherhood

BEING a mum is the most exquisite, romantic expression of love. I’ve never known a love like the one I have for my daughter. She gets into bed with me in the morning and we just lie together touching each other’s noses – it’s the most joy I’ve ever felt.

As much as motherhood is about that new intensity of love, there’s also a sense of loss.

I will never truly be at peace again. I don’t think that I realised, before becoming a mum, how much I would think about her and that I would never be fully relaxed. It’s the loss of an old version of yourself.

So being pregnant now, I’m so excited about meeting this new person, but I’m also aware there will be another loss and I will be an exhausted working mum with two children.

Looking back, I think my mum was exhausted. She was a single mum with three of us and had a particularly liberal attitude. When we were teenagers, we would like to experiment with different versions of ourselves. We were wild. There was no judgement and no shame – we could be who we wanted to be. Maybe that was because she was so exhausted! I want my daughter to have the same sense of play and exploration of identity and have no sense of guilt or judgement.

6. The National Theatre of Scotland

I’VE been in post for nearly two years now, and I still feel it’s a huge honour to lead this phenomenal company. Theatre is a discursive art form like no other, and has a particular ability to not only create joy, but also create a sense of community.

It has a specific combination of entertainment and joy and thinking and new ideas – but comes from experiencing something live.

Having that, but combined with this national responsibility, is a privileged experience. Everyone at the National Theatre of Scotland is so passionate about what they do. This makes me realise that so much of what stimulates me and drives me is being surrounded by people who care so deeply about what they are doing.

I’ve never had a job that I carry in my heart the way that I do this one. I also love that there’s a challenge in the National Theatre of Scotland, where we need to create theatre for everyone in the country. We need to create the broadest possible type of theatre for the entire nation – it really is the most thrilling possibility. Also, not having a building means we are always on our toes – that sense of every year being different brings with it its own dynamism.

7. Rebel women

LOOKING at cultural representation, it’s easy to think men are the ones who are allowed to be complicated, have sexual desires and existential crises. If you look at music and film, it’s so often men who are complicated protagonists.

Through music, playwriting, theatre and novels I realised women could have all of those things – and journeys of discovery. This year NTS is working with rebel woman Jenny Fagan (above) on an adaptation of her novel Panopticon, where the main character is a complicated female who goes on an exceptional journey. Jackie Kay is another one – her work and the way she is in the world – she’s a brilliant rebel woman. At last, women’s stories and female characters are equally as important.

8. The Nineties

INCREASINGLY, I realise that I’m a product of the 1990s. There were a few things about that decade that shaped me. It was about empathy, it was about being part of something, it was about understanding a huge range of people. When I went clubbing in the 90s, I had a shared experience through hedonism – and I think we learn about ourselves through hedonism.

Also in the 90s, there was a group of angry playwrights who shaped my love of theatre. Sarah Kane, Anthony Neilson (above), Mark Ravenhill were responding to cultural and political brokenness. They could see through the excess of optimism that was happening around that time.

Just following that was the anti-globalisation and the Stop The War movements, which ultimately failed but had as big an impact on me.

9. The Edinburgh festivals

HAVING exposure through my entire life to the theatre, both Scottish and international, has absolutely shaped what I love in culture. We are so lucky in Scotland to have this window on the world that is so outward-facing and on our own doorsteps.

Seeing artists like Taylor Mac (above) and ground-breaking international companies like Ontroerend Goed inspired a different way of thinking about theatre. It also allowed Scottish theatre to have a platform alongside these international companies. It really does make you understand that Scotland has a place in the world.

10. University of Glasgow

THE fundamental thing I took away from my degree course was that all culture is a product of the social and political context in which it’s made. That shapes the decisions I make now, knowing no culture is created in isolation.

The female friends I made changed me in that they became lifelong friendships where we can talk openly about things that matter to us. An involvement with student theatre was also life-changing. For a start, I knew I wasn’t an actor – but it allowed me to understand everyone’s role. It also introduced me to Andy Arnold (above), who ran The Arches and saw some kind of energy in me.