IN spite of mounting evidence that the world has finally succeeded in getting on our Saviour’s tits I persist in clinging to some semblance of Christian observance. I blame my parents who saddled me with this in a more backward and superstitious era. We are in the midst of the new pagan festival of Christmas which starts around the end of September and will last until January 25 when we mark the birthday of the other great saviour of humanity, Robert Burns. Some naive and optimistic souls like me still believe that Christmas was so named because it marked the birth of Christ himself. It’s a pleasing feature of modern, progressive and enlightened Scotland, though, that the country is beginning to divest itself of its Christian heritage.

Thus, nativity scenes are being banned from an increasing number of civic gathering places and traditional-themed Christmas cards with that discredited trio of Jesus, Mary and Joseph are on their way out. Soon, I hope that Scotland’s intricate and sophisticated pattern of equality legislation will be used to bring the full force of the law down on people who send holy Christmas cards indiscriminately by post. We prosecute people who send sexually inappropriate text messages and rightly reject any defence of error or ignorance. So, why shouldn’t we do the same to arrogant Christians who cause distress at this time of the year by assuming that people actually share their disturbing and, frankly, sinister beliefs?

There you are raising your children in a rational and faith-free environment when the letterbox opens and a Christmas card falls gently on to the carpet. Of course, you’ve instructed them never to open strange missives but, well ... you know kids: always inquisitive and enquiring ... especially at this time of the year. Before you know it, your worst nightmare is upon you. They’ve opened the card and it’s an old painting of the hated nativity scene with its disturbing messages of class and hierarchy. You’ve been warning them about stranger-danger all bloody year and these wretched cards feature three mysterious men offering cash and drugs. There will be a message saying something like: “May the love of Christ be upon you and wishing you and your family a happy and peaceful Christmas”. It will be from Gerry and Maureen and family: Brendan, Clare, Siobhan, Martin, Damian, Clare-Anne, Orlaith, Declan, Rosemarie and Clare-Louise. It’s irresponsible and sends out inappropriate messages surrounding wealth, patriarchy and class politics.

And don’t even get me started on those angels. These are menacing-looking creatures and should carry a trigger warning. Their uniform presence on these simplistic illustrations is suggestive of drug misuse. And what are the three wise men from the East if not a rudimentary and perverse attempt to convey a subliminal message about multiculturalism and immigration? The next thing you know the so-called wise men will be seeking benefits and working in those 24-hour car-washing enterprises which are merely fronts for criminality and money-laundering.

The traditional festive locution of “Happy Christmas” is now increasingly considered offensive to non-Christians and in an encouraging development is being replaced by “Happy Holidays”. Schools which continue to impose nativity plays on vulnerable children may soon be liable to state penalties. This is a necessary first step, I think, in rooting out false optimism in disadvantaged neighbourhoods. These poor children have suffered grievously as the noose of Tory austerity and Universal Credit has tightened around the necks of their families. The last thing they need as they try to deal with all of this is a once-a-year message that this is a time of peace and goodwill to all; a time to be reconciled with your enemies and to share what little you have with those less fortunate than yourself. Wrapping presents and placing them underneath a Christmas tree simply encourages a false sense that simply by saying prayers and singing hymns you can overcome adversity. It needs to be stamped out.

At this time of the year our vulnerable children need to be encouraged to learn lessons of survival of the fittest in a harsh world. It doesn’t do them any harm to see images of consumerism and the gap that exists between those few who have and those many who have not. There’s a reason why this gap exists and it’s nothing to do with inequality and the unfair distribution of wealth. Often it’s about the value of sheer, hard work and not giving a toss about the human casualties along the way.

Our annual winter holiday season is an all-too-rare opportunity to teach our children about the true meaning of Christmas with its hard but fair messages of capitalism and unnecessary excess. Perhaps by seeing George Michael and his well-fed affluent cronies frolicking in a Swiss chalet and wealthy television stars dancing without a care in the world on Strictly or filling their bellies on Bake Off they will strive to obtain these rewards for themselves and thus lift themselves out of the ghetto. The nation really needs to get serious about taking Christ out of Christmas.

THE old Soviet communists and the leaders of 18th-century revolutionary France had the right idea when it came to exterminating Jesus at Christmas: they simply banned the season under pain of torture and execution. France’s revolutionary leaders introduced the Cult of Reason which effectively became the state-sponsored religion. Thus, all restrictions on personal liberty were removed at a stroke and those with the most financial resources, the greatest wealth and the biggest private armies were able to flourish. Indeed, it’s been claimed that the UK’s hardest Brexiteers have been inspired by this model.

In the 20th century the Soviets replaced Christianity with state atheism and promptly banned Christmas. It rounded up all priests and bishops and simply killed them and used a superb system of agents provocateurs and informers to winkle out churchgoers and illegal Christian gatherings. The Chinese communists favoured a more benign and tolerant iteration of atheism by permitting a form of state Christianity. The Three Wise Men bearing gifts from the East was portrayed as evidence that God himself was a communist. Say what you like about revolutionary France, Russia and China but they can’t all have been wrong.

In Scotland the secular humanist movement is gaining much greater influence at Holyrood and in our local authorities. Thus, the day is fast approaching when there will be no more eerie and unnatural messages of peace and goodwill being exchanged at this time of the year and all mentions of Christmas and a universal Saviour will be banned. This is vital if we are to move the economy away from irresponsible ideas of sharing and compassion and to replace it with a much more fiscally robust survival-of-the-fittest model.

Happy Holidays to you all and may proportionate peace and sustainable goodwill be upon you.