THERESA Reservist army colonel, Ruth Davidson, thinks the Tories should “man up” and that Theresa May, has recently developed “cojones of steel”, (a pair presumably). This raises an interesting vision of Theresa the cyborg, an assassin who is partly human but mainly biomechatronic, Westminster’s very own Terminator! In starkest contrast, Nicola Sturgeon points out May had to promise to terminate her own premiership before the natural end of this parliament to win a vote of confidence. Even then a majority of her back benchers, whose snouts are allocated smaller spaces in the trough compared to front benchers, wanted her out. With time thus running out on the PM, the FM brands May a “lame duck”.

Are the Tory swine (figuratively speaking, of course) led by a testosterone powered super cyborg from outer space, or by a mere limping female waterfowl? Listen to the Tories in full action in their most natural habitat, the Commons bearpit, and shut your eyes. It does sound like you’re hearing, “quack, quack quack”.

David Crines
Hamilton