AS the nation holds its breath waiting for Nicola Sturgeon to fire the indyref2 starting gun, our old friends Scotland in Union (SiU) are busy doing what they do best: shooting themselves in the foot. Or, as the SNP Depute Leader Keith Brown put it, launching a “spectacular boomerang attack” against themselves by commissioning a poll that makes encouraging reading for the Yes side.

They attempted to befuddle the survey respondents by asking them whether they’d like Scotland to Leave or Remain in the UK (see what they did there?), but then they went and spoiled it all by asking if a hard Brexit would make a difference – only to find that it would, and quite a significant one too.

It’s hard not to feel just a little bit sorry for this rag-tag bunch of Unionists, spending precious funds on a poll that found barely more than a third of Scots are against a second referendum.

READ MORE: Scotland in Union attempt to skew Yes poll backfires

It’s almost as though the folk they surveyed are paying attention to the chaos unfolding at Westminster, and feeling a bit unhappy about it.

Despite the fact that they’re defending the mighty United Kingdom, the poor souls at SiU don’t have much money, with their CEO Pamela Nash recently bemoaning that they’re up against a “very large, cash-rich nationalist operation”.

So, if every penny counts, where should SiU be channelling their resources for maximum impact? In the interests of a healthy, fair and democratic campaign when the time comes, here are some suggestions.


Scotland In Union are tired – tired of the SNP banging on about independence and tired of trying to think up convincing reasons why Scotland is definitely better off remaining in the UK regardless of what economic chaos and pantomime-villain PM may await us in the coming years. Their ingenious “#yawn” campaign definitely made them seem like a credible campaign group armed with strong, evidence-based arguments – but just think how much more support they could gain by staying fully awake.

READ MORE: How Scotland in Union went from next Better Together to an embarrassment


We all know about the not-so-secret Scotland In Union letter-writing cabal, thanks to a glaring breach of the very first rule of said cabal. Now the jig is up, might this dedicated bunch find another way to express themselves?

A picture is worth a thousand words, as Cambridge University academic Dr Victoria Bateman found when she staged a naked protest against Brexit, so perhaps they’ll be willing to bare all for Britain. Dr Bateman opted for “#BrexitLeavesBritainNaked” as her campaign slogan, but since SiU believe in strength in numbers perhaps a trio could disrobe to hammer home the three key reasons why Scotland wouldn’t survive as an independent country. I’m sure someone would be enthusiastic about covering his modesty with a “too wee” placard, if it meant grabbing headlines for the cause.

READ MORE: Former BNP member pictured working with Scotland in Union


I’m certainly not wishing any further injuries upon our battle-weary opponents – in fact I’d strongly suggest they invest in steel-capped boots and crash helmets for the next time they get in touch with Survation –but there’s nothing like a bit of splintering to remind everyone that SiU exists. The group’s former development manager became a thorn in their side when he decided to defect and establish the ironically named UK Unity, which is now vigorously campaigning – apparently with a straight face – for a Brexit in which we “leave the EU entirely and give them nothing”.


The release of Aldi’s Kevin The Carrot toys prompted a stampede to stores yesterday, because with the right marketing the Great British public can apparently be convinced their Christmas won’t complete without a metre-high plush root vegetable. Images of these jumbo Kevins strapped into car seats and lounging on sofas raises the rather disturbing prospect that they’ll end up seated in dining chairs on December 25, forced to watch families devour turkey and the trimmings, ie their defenceless miniature relatives.

So how could SiU replicate this success and give the coffers a much-needed boost? A Scotland in Uni(c)o(r)n is the obvious answer – complete with metal collar and chain, as depicted on the United Kingdom’s royal coat of arms. These proud plush beasts will surely be traded for hundreds of pounds on eBay once toy lovers realise they can be conveniently dragged around by the neck (to nursery, to the park, even in and out of the EU).

The metre-high versions could have a voice box that neighs “grieeeevance!” when the toy is swung around in the air with sufficient force.

Celebrity endorsement

Better Together’s “love bomb” may have reeked of desperation, but that doesn’t mean star power won’t be key to securing a No vote in indyref2 (or a Yes vote, if SiU succeeds in getting “Should Scotland not be an independent country?” onto the ballot papers). But it’s important to enlist the right celebrity – a national treasure with charm and gravitas.

Step forward Mr Blobby, whose return to our TV screens is surely evidence of a country on the brink of full-blown hysteria. He might have limited experience in the political arena, but unlike some of the characters associated with SiU he can at least be trusted not to blurt out any off-colour comments. Give him a red, white and blue makeover and he’ll be ready to campaign ... assuming he isn’t made Brexit Secretary first.