The National:

The "dark money" net may be closing around the Scottish Tories, but a recent fine issued to a secretive Tory club has left people scratching their chins.

Back in 2016 the Irvine Unionist Club funnelled a whopping £100,000 into Tory party coffers and failed to provide the required notifications of the gift.

On top of that, the origins of the money itself remains something of a mystery.

So what was the punishment for this little campaign-influencing indiscretion? Believe it or not, it was a measly £400... and that got the Jouker wondering.

What small actions could the general public do that would result in a larger fine than questionable funding practices?

1. Handling a salmon “in suspicious circumstances”

Amazingly, you can be fined up to £5000 for waving about a salmon in a suspicious manner. According to the Salmon Act 1986, handling illegally caught salmon in England and Wales comes with a heavy price tag.

2. Driving through a puddle and soaking a pedestrian

We've all been tempted to do it (and if you say you haven't then you're lying). There's someone standing next to a huge puddle and you just happen to be driving toward it... Well, that misstep can result in a fine of up to £5000!

3. Taking pebbles off a beach in Cornwall

St Gennys parish council claim that removing pebbles from a Cornish beach is contributing to coastal erosion and once forced a hapless tourist to drive back to the beach they had taken pebbles from, or face a £1000 fine.

4. Failing to update the address on your driving licence (even if the move is temporary)

Chances are, at least one person reading this right now is guilty of this crime that could result in a fine up to £1000. According to the DVLA, even a temporary move must result in your driving licence being updated to correctly reflect your new address.

5. Beeping your horn at night

Don't beep back in anger. Slammming on the horn between 11:30pm and 7:00am could net you a £30 Fixed Penalty Notice. That's not too bad, but if you choose to challenge the penalty in court, it can be escalated up to a staggering $1000.

6. Beating the dust off a door mat after 8am in London

For some reason, beating a door mat in London after 8am can result in a fine of up to £1000. The Metropolitan Police Act 1839 aims to fine "Every person who in any thoroughfare shall beat or shake any carpet, rug, or mat (except door mats before the hour of eight in the morning)."

Go figure.

So there we have it. Six actions that will secure you a bigger fine than slipping £100,000 to a major political party and failing to declare it.