SCOT SQUAD,
BBC1, 10.40pm
TONIGHT “the big man manfully mans up to his man-sized task” but those bloody women keep pestering him! Cameron Miekelson bragged there will never be a female police chief on his watch – because it’s him – and now the protesters have descended on his office with pink balloons. “Once ah’m dead, then ye can have yer woman chief!” he growls.
The traffic cops meet a disabled driver who uses the lure of his blue badge to attract the burdz. It allows them to get great parking spaces and jump to the front of the queue at theme parks. “We did Alton Towers in two hours!” he says. What woman could resist?
Some new faces join the cast tonight, including Lorraine McIntosh from Deacon Blue; James Devoy, who once presented the satirical online show Dateline Scotland, and Kirsty Strain and Gerry McLaughlin, best known from the brilliant sketch show Burnistoun.
THE APPRENTICE,
BBC1, 9pm
THIS week it’s everyone favourite topic: dogs. “People say dogs can, like, smell fear …” whimpers one candidate. I wonder if they can also smell idiocy?
The teams must try to win the confidence of a canine spa which offers blueberry facials and “pawdicures”, a training school which has “doggy dancing classes”, and a doggy photography studio. There’s also a glamorous “poop scooping contract” up for grabs. When they’ve each got their contracts they must go out into the real world to represent the businesses and try to drum up some cash.
You might stop to wonder why one team book appointments with their customers at 25 bucks, and then suddenly change their minds and start charging them £35. You might also wonder why we’re fretting about Brexit, because if this is what our businesspeople are like then we’re in mess whatever we do!
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