Paula McGuire: Relax, there’s more to life

Most of the time, I reckon it’s a good thing. I can’t really imagine not making those tangential leaps from sin through cause to tangerine and back again without leaving my own skull. I mean, wouldn’t life be dry as desert dung if our internal monologue was as linear as the carefully edited version we finally allow to trickle out of our face?

Some days though, my mind is so busy, I feel like installing a turnstile. Okay thoughts, make your way forward in an orderly direction; one in, one out, if you please. Maybe then I’d be able to follow one train all the way to the end of its line, once in a while. I’ve always been butterfly-minded; I think I just sprang from the cocoon that way. My prefrontal cortex flits from bloom to bloom without even the slightest concern for cross-pollination, leaving this caterpillar always wriggling to catch up.

But it seems that, in current culture, anything less than a head packed like a Lidl trolley is nothing short of criminal. So I guess if the thought police ever come a-dawn raiding, this law-abiding crazy will probably escape the old Barlinnie bracelets. We’re all driven to live it all, see it all, know it all; but what happens when it all becomes too much, and slowing down is looked upon as accepting defeat? Well, raise that white flag and repeat after me: I surrender.

Of course, I know what you’re thinking because I’m thinking it myself. It’s all well and good in pretty words and newsprint, but when you’re living on borrowed synapses, and there’s no trepanner in sight, emptying a head of its mistress is not exactly child’s play. I’d never pretend to be an expert; you think this stuff is peer-reviewed? But last week, I went along to an unusual venue in South Lanarkshire to be guided to calm by the people who know its hiding place.

Switch Off to Switch On is a monthly relaxation evening, held in Invictus Community and MMA Sports Club in Larkhall. For three hours, participants are treated to the sounds and smells of tranquillity, then plied with tea and homemade carrot cake that would send Bugs into a sugar frenzy. Devised and led by Bobby Bulloch and Mhairi MacLachlan, Switch Off to Switch On encourages rat-racers to turn off their screens and focus instead on their reflections, and uses the practices of yoga, pilates and meditation to bring over-worked brains firmly back under.

My first impression on arriving at Invictus that Friday night was that it wasn’t quite the ordinary sports hall. In fact, I was later informed by a fellow switch-offer, the building was originally a pub so I guess I shouldn’t have been too surprised by the BYOB instruction, even if the second B stood for blanket. That’s right, blankets, pillows and sleeping bags appeared from car boots in abundance as we trickled into the welcoming warmth of the free house.

If this was no ordinary sports hall, then it was perfect; for this was no ordinary exercise class. Actually, it was no exercise class at all, as Bobby was keen to point out. With a background in personal training and fitness, Bobby is no stranger to a mainstream workout, but his passion is for steering people away from that warp-speed treadmill we’re all constantly tramping, to press that emergency stop button and to allow ourselves time to just, well, be. And as I bumbled into the hall – padded flooring strewn with brightly-coloured yoga mats, lights dimmed and heaters cranked, incense adding its scent to the air – the melange of the outside world was already drifting farther and farther…

Barefoot and pregnantly paused, I took my place in a shadowy corner, while my 11 counterparts arranged themselves around the space, all with a great deal more grace than this galumph. You see, I don’t have the best body awareness. Life, for me, is like a bad game of Twister, as I try to work out on which circles the various parts of my anatomy should rest. And the thought of demonstrating that particular inadequacy to a field full of players wasn’t exactly welcoming. I needn’t have worried though, since even those so proficient in yoga that they’d brought their own aura were genuinely nice people, and with the lights so low that Bruce Wayne would struggle, the scene was set for an inconspicuous introduction to the activity.

With his lilting voice and gentle demeanour, Bobby only added to the ambience when he began the evening’s festivities with some light stretches. Even though, during the hour-long routine, there were various poses that I really had no business attempting, Bobby’s advice to modify or drop any positions that didn’t suit our bodies covered my concerns, and before long I found myself in a certain natural rhythm, both with my bending and with my breathing. Within minutes of loosening hamstrings and heartstrings, I was beginning to feel the bodily benefits. Maybe it was the exercises wringing stress from my wearied bones, maybe it was the atmosphere and warmth of the surroundings, or maybe it was just the relief of finally being allowed, nay compelled, to shut the world out. I can’t say I’m moved to determine which.

After a break, during which spirits and blood sugar levels were revived, it was time for us all to take to the floor, quite literally, as we hunkered down for the night in our own personal versions of comfort. Curled up beneath my blanket, with an industrious radiator keeping up the cosy by my side, I was instantly ready for a nap – and it seemed that was an acceptable use of my time. Mhairi opened the meditation session with a disclaimer that falling asleep was both expected and encouraged, since we were there to be restful after all. That said, when the snores did fill the ear barely 10 minutes later, I still found a smile playing across my lips.

As a self-titled Galactic Heart Healer, Mhairi’s aim is to channel her own energy to help unlock that of others. Her techniques originate from her background in reiki and hypnotherapy but this particular gathering was to be an exercise in just chilling the hell out. With music looping and soaring in the background and Mhairi’s careful words of guidance tripping across the room, my thoughts reached out to grasp hold but instead… just… disappeared.

I’m not sure if it was strictly meditation but what came next for me was a sense of overarching calm that faded only faintly when Mhairi called us softly back to being. I left Larkhall that night with blear in my eyes and some slack in my soul, and I have to admit, it felt good. Switching off is never easy but switching back on again is definitely worth the effort.

Sylvia Plath famously asked, ‘is there no way out of the mind?’. Well, I’m not sure there’s a door from the cranium, Sylvia, but, if there is, surely relaxation holds the key.