GROWING up in Dunfermline, I was always bemused by the amount of older people who never seemed to travel to Edinburgh. One day an elderly man came into my parents’ ironmongers shop to ask for a Black & Decker part we didn’t have. I advised him to go to their parts store in Edinburgh.
“Och, son, ah huvnae been tae Edinburgh for 20 years and when I was there ah didnae see anything worth gaun back fur!”
It was an attitude I couldn’t understand, but when he was growing up Edinburgh was probably a ferry away and maybe he got seasick. He was never bitten by the convenience bug, the sense of entitlement to easy commuting that my generation of Fifers have grown up with.
I live in Dunfermline and work in Edinburgh. Having given up on public transport commuting, last Saturday I decided to turn grown-up (at the age of 36) and buy a car. Just before the road bridge packed in. Best not ask me to pick your lottery numbers.
It was weird heading to work by train, staring across to an empty road bridge. The thought that struck me was what a great time it would be to shoot a Scottish remake of 28 Days Later using the bridge as a backdrop.
Then I realised I had already seen this bridge movie before. What if the steel faults story is just misdirection, there’s an experimental virus-carrying monkey on the loose in Fife and only Dustin Hoffman can save us?
I was joking to people about having to get used to a 15-mile walk each way... then they pointed out to me that the bridge is actually shut to pedestrians too.
The simplest of things – going to work, going for a pint and grabbing the night bus home – will suddenly be turned into the logistical equivalent of Olympic events.
We’re just going to have to knuckle down and get on with it. No howling at the moon – or at Scotrail staff, please. It just is what it is.
That old guy in my parents shop? Edinburgh wasn’t for him. He never had it. For my generation? We had something to lose and for at least a month we’ve now lost it.
What am I saying about that?
“Aye, It taks a lang spoon tae sup wi’ us. One that has to reach across the Forth. *sob*”
Anyway Edinburgh, maybe we can come to a deal? You beam us films from the Cameo across the water... and we’ll see what we can do about getting Amazon to step up their drone programme so that you actually get some Christmas presents this year.
We’ll meet again.
Ross ‘Teddy’ Craig is the editor of scottishcomedyfc.com and found on Twitter as
@RossTeddyCraig
Forth Road Bridge closure: Did decisions by Transport Scotland cost us millions of pounds
11-mile tailbacks as Forth Road Bridge closes
Irony abounds over Forth Road Bridge's troubled past
Why are you making commenting on The National only available to subscribers?
We know there are thousands of National readers who want to debate, argue and go back and forth in the comments section of our stories. We’ve got the most informed readers in Scotland, asking each other the big questions about the future of our country.
Unfortunately, though, these important debates are being spoiled by a vocal minority of trolls who aren’t really interested in the issues, try to derail the conversations, register under fake names, and post vile abuse.
So that’s why we’ve decided to make the ability to comment only available to our paying subscribers. That way, all the trolls who post abuse on our website will have to pay if they want to join the debate – and risk a permanent ban from the account that they subscribe with.
The conversation will go back to what it should be about – people who care passionately about the issues, but disagree constructively on what we should do about them. Let’s get that debate started!
Callum Baird, Editor of The National
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules here