SOUNDS like a dream job, doesn’t it? Where do I apply, I hear you ask? Sadly, as a reader of this esteemed organ, you may be disqualified automatically.

You see, the job I speak is head of BBC Scotland. Even the title is a misnomer. It ought to be ­described as the BBC in Scotland. Or more accurately, provincial, parochial broadcasting with a Scottish accent.

Switch on any regional BBC programme in the UK and it is almost indistinguishable from BBC Scotland. Almost but not quite, the ­Scottish ­version carries its own share of ­oddities, ­because it was forced to respond to devolution by pretending things had changed, without amending its mindset.

Firmly set in the distant past, its daily news ­offerings reflect a long-forgotten era. Almost every news broadcast consists of the following stories: SNP/Scottish Government bad; sport, weather; sport, here’s a cute wee dug. And ­every news broadcast generally ends on this note: “Now, over to (the real news) from the BBC Centre”.

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This stuff gives “mediocre” a bad name. It is trite, increasingly tabloid, self-indulgent pap. Its roots are in a nostalgic view of a long-gone ­empire. While the empire may be no more, it still colonises thinking in the BBC. It is the ­ultimate bureaucracy. No one minds that many customers loathe the output. As a result, the ­trajectory is ever-downwards. The key ­motivation is to manage upwards. Stripped of management speak, this means what the boss thinks is so, so much more important than what the ­consumers say. Indeed, the most ossified bureaucracies care nothing at all for customers. Why should they? After all, the boss decides position and pay.

And the bosses of the BBC in Scotland are not based here. So, they know little and care even less.

Under their leadership, for decades Scots have been fed a diet of unremitting and ­undiluted trash. This would not happen in the South East, because consumers there have real influence. BBC executives, or at least the ones that count, are drawn from their midst. It is their creature. They control it. It serves them. Not you, or ­really anyone else in the UK.

The latest Ofcom report released this week confirms this deep-seated malaise. It reveals that people in Scotland are the least likely to have a favourable impression of the broadcaster. It also slams BBC Scotland for failing to fully meet its operating licence in this country.

Remember Drummond’s Law of ­broadcasting. “Even if everyone in Scotland deplored its ­output; BBC Scotland could continue, as it is free of democratic oversight in this country.”

Want further proof? Thanks to top pollster, James Kelly, we know what Scots really think of BBC Scotland.

As recently as last month, he put this crucial question to Scots: “Which parliament do you think should have law-making power over ­Scottish broadcasting?”

The UK parliament: 25%

The Scots parliament: 75% (with Don’t Knows excluded.) He says this is “an absolutely sensational ­result”.

The poll also revealed that a majority of ­people who voted No in the 2014 referendum want ­Holyrood control. Across the board, Scots want the present arrangements changed.

Pronto.

Imagine this fine organ you are reading now decided to ignore the great majority of its ­customers? How long do you think it might last? How long do you think the editors could stay in post? Think days or even hours.

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These are troubled times for newspapers. For example, sales of The Scotsman are tumbling. It shifts scarcely 5000 copies daily across the counter. There are people reading this column right now whose readership of their Twitter ­account exceeds this number many times over.

The Daily Mail last week signalled that cuts are on the way for that esteemed publication, too. Please, no tittering at the back.

Most reputable, responsible media ­outlets would regard the above BBC statistics as ­extremely worrying and shameful. Top ­management would be demanding immediate action to address a problem where three out of every four Scots demand dissatisfied. They would want to know why and how it happened and what speedy changes are in place to ­respond customers’ needs.

Of course, nothing of the sort will happen. The folks who control the BBC could care less. They prove this daily in their contempt for ­consumers. They chose patsies to run thing. And these lackies are doing the job just fine.

Finally, let’s be clear. Editors decide. Others obey. It really does not help to criticise individual reporters. That’s like rebuking the monkey instead of the organ grinder.

Aamer Anwar is our guest on the TNT show on Wednesday. Join us on IndyLive at 7pm