WHAT’S THE STORY?

RAPE and child abuse are common topics on a secret Facebook community that is growing so fast that social media supremo Mark Zuckerberg has asked to meet the woman behind it.

Lola Omolola is the founder of FIN which began as Female in Nigeria and now has over one million members.

The former journalist began the Facebook group with the aim of giving women a safe space to air their experiences and views.

It seemed a laudable objective yet both she and the group have suffered vitriolic attacks from the more conservative elements of Nigerian society.

Omolola has been compared to the devil while church groups, particularly incensed by frank discussions about being a lesbian, have denounced FIN as an evil and corrupting influence on women.

The attacks serve to highlight what women are up against in Nigeria, according to Omolola.

However even she was shocked at some of the revelations of abuse that women have shared on the group’s page.

“When we started I used to cry. I stopped sleeping, I stopped eating. I was not ready for the stories that were coming out,” she said.

“There were women who had been abused for 40 years and hadn’t told anyone. No one should live like that.”

HOW DID IT START?

OMOLOLA began the Facebook group in 2015 following the kidnap of 276 schoolgirls from their school in Chibok by Islamist group Boko Haram. More than 100 are still missing.

Although Omolola was horrified at how the girls were enslaved she says she was not surprised because of the entrenched sexism within her country.

“I knew the cause of it,” she said. “When you grow up in a place where a woman’s voice is not even valid, everything reinforces that idea that we’re not good enough.

“Between the ages of three and six I noticed that whenever a girl shows any sign of self-awareness she gets silenced. When I said anything I got a pinch – a real, live pinch.”

Fortunately her businessman father was not one of those who tried to silence her even though relatives like aunts and uncles were free with their pinches, and as her mother worked full time as a haematologist he often stepped in to care for the children.

“We never felt any gender disparity,” she said. “I realise now how much effort it must have taken. It was not something he was just stumbling into. It was an active choice.”

HOW SECRET IS IT?

ALTHOUGH it is described as a secret in Facebook terminology, Omolola is keen for women both within and outside Nigeria to hear about it. Members join by invitation and can then share their stories.

It is not anonymous as people have to use their real names to take part in the group discussion, but it is confidential.

“It’s a safe place, for a woman who has something to say,” Omolola explained. “You don’t have to agree but it is her story, she can say it.”

Some speak about coming out as a lesbian, others of their experience of teen pregnancy, rape or domestic abuse.

Testimonies are read and approved by a group of 28 volunteers before they are posted. Negative comments about the posts are not allowed and religious themed advice is now banned after some tried to condemn others.

“I noticed that those people who try to shut women up in real life, they came there,” said Omolola. “They are so deeply conditioned to work against their own interest. It’s the online version of the pinch and the shush.”

Church groups have attacked Omolola but she says she will carry on regardless.

“Most people think that the controversy will kill me,” she said. “They don’t realise that it’s actually empowering me.”

She now wants to go further and provide centres where women can come together and talk safely and hopes Zuckerberg may offer funding through Facebook; she refuses to allow advertising on FIN as she doesn’t want anyone profiteering from the confessional nature of the site.

“It needs money and right now I have none,” she said. “I can’t even pay my rent.”

IS SHE ON HER OWN?

THE Facebook group is the latest example of women in Nigeria starting to speak out about their experiences of sexism.

Two years ago a Tedx talk on feminism by novelist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie sparked a Twitter hashtag #BeingFemaleInNigeria which quickly became popular with women talking about sexism.

It began with an animated book group discussion of a published version of Adichie’s talk We Should All Be Feminists.

“We started describing our own experiences and challenges and thought we should bring the discussion to a larger group,” explained the book club’s Florence Warmate.

It quickly caught on with tweets like “#BeingfemaleinNigeria is being told countless times that I will never find a husband because I am ‘too ambitious’ and outspoken”.

Another referenced the Nigerian schoolgirls kidnapped by Boko Haram fighters: “You get kidnapped and killed because you are being educated.”

Warmate said she did not expect Nigerian society to change overnight, but did say that the debate could “enlighten people and change perceptions about women. When women work hard, respect that.”

Nigeria is currently ranked 118th out of 144 countries in the Gender Gap Index 2016 of the World Economic Forum, due to practices such as female genital mutilation, widowhood rites, child marriage and violence against women.