THE CONSERVATIVE party leadership race is heating up, and despite a series of names surging forward to take the position, it is clear that the contest really comes down to two individuals; Theresa May and Michael Gove.
So here’s everything you wanted to know about the PM hopefuls – but were too afraid to ask.
(You were right to be afraid.)
MICHAEL GOVE
Gove has a long history with the Conservative party. He stood as the Government’s Education Minister in which time he pushed for wide-reaching educational reforms that sought to make schools “promote British values”. He also tried to pull teaching about climate change out of the curriculum but eventually had to back down.
But hey, that’s Governmental Gove. Let’s not forget the more laid-back Gove who appeared on Grampian Television’s Top Club and described his hobbies as “real ale and real women”.
He was also a fan of hanging, as it turned out. During his time as a columnist he remarked that a return of the noose would show a “respect for democracy.
And finally, despite being involved with the campaign to Leave the EU because it was time to turn on the elite, Gove is in fact good pals with media mogul Rupert Murdoch. They’ve had dinner together and everything.
Murdoch is known for once saying his issue with the EU was that “When I go into Downing Street they do what I say; when I go to Brussels they take no notice.”
With Gove in Number 10, I’m not sure that would change.
He also hates experts.
THERESA MAY
If Michael Gove is taking a Whack-A-Mole approach to various issues in the country, May has a calculated laser focus on human rights and immigration.
As the Home Secretary, May was the hand that signed off the infamous “Go Home” vans that toured about London with the intent of scaring the shit out of illegal immigrants. They instructed them that if they didn’t “go home” they would face arrest.
Her speech at the last Tory conference also raised a few red flags when she claimed that immigration makes it “impossible to build a cohesive society”.
May is also behind the controversial Investigatory Powers Bill that will force web and phone companies to keep a record of all calls, websites visited, etc. for everyone for a full 12 months, and make companies legally obliged to assist police to hack into and bug your computer and phone.
May is currently the favourite in this race to the bottom.
THE OTHERS
Stephen Crabb, the man being backed by the Scottish Conservatives, who not only voted against equal marriage but also has links to organisations which believe they can “cure” being gay.
Liam Fox, a former defense secretary who had to resign after giving special access to senior figures in the defence world to a personal friend of his, and who managed to claim 3p of taxpayer’s money in expenses for a car journey of less than 100 meters.
Andrea Leadsom, a former district councillor who has a history of using off-shore banking arrangements for her buy-to-let property company and who has campaigned tirelessly to prevent banker’s bonus caps from ever being put in place.
and Boris Johnson, who isn’t even in the running any more. Michael Gove thoroughly saw to that. I’ll admit though, I was really looking forward to sharing the video of Boris rugby-tackling a small child before he pulled out and scuppered my plans.
So here it is anyway. I think we could do with something to laugh at right about now.
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