The National:

BETTER Together were back together today, all while the Tories had a go at Nicola Sturgeon for daring to bring up the topic of independence.

Alistair Darling and Ruth Davidson were speaking at the Union and Unionism event in London, hosted by Policy Exchange.

It had quite a list of speakers, and we've picked out nine of the most ridiculous quotes from the day.

In no particular order...

The National:

1. Michael Gove: "Another feature of Unionism, the explicit embrace of diversity has strengthened since Brexit"

It hasn't. Brexit has emboldened racists. And for a member of the party responsible for the "hostile environment" approach to immigration to say diversity is a feature of Unionism is pretty astonishing.

2. Tory chairman Brandon Lewis: "One of the things I find ironic is the SNP arguing to break up one union with huge historic links while arguing to stay in another"

One of the things we find ironic is the Tories arguing to break up one union with huge historic links while arguing to stay in another.

3. Jim Murphy: "I am not, never have been and never will be a Unionist"

Yes, Jim Murphy actually said he wasn't a Unionist. He simply backs the Union (and shouts about it while standing on a milk crate). Not a Unionist. Nope.

The National:

4. Arlene Foster: "Unionism is at its best when it's confident, outward-looking and welcoming. Nationalism is by its nature narrow"

Perhaps the DUP leader could inform the Government her party is propping up on the values of being outward-looking and welcoming? Someone seems to have missed the memo.

5. Professor Colin Kidd: "You can only get to grips with Scottish politics when you understand that if you scratch any Unionist you'll find a nationalist, and the nationalists aren't largely out and out nationalists – what they'd like is independence with the Barnett formula!"

Among other things, what we'd like is to be free of the UK's toxic policies, and to be ruled by a party we vote for!

6. William Shawcross: "I would argue that the success of the Union is partly down to the success of constitutional monarchy"

The official biographer of the Queen Mother came out with this. In other news, less than half of Scots support the monarchy, according to a new poll.

The National:

7. Ruth Davidson: "We remain far too London-centric as a nation"

Said at a speech on the Union in London. The Scottish Tory leader realised the irony, but that doesn't make it any less amusing – and telling of why it's unlikely things will change.

8. Alistair Darling: "I wonder why you're still a Tory"
Ruth Davidson: "I wonder why you're still in the Labour party"

Reflecting on each other's politics, the Better Together duo seemed to believe there wasn't as much difference between them as their party allegiances would suggest. That might be because their party allegiances, when it comes down to it, aren't all that different...

9. Ruth Davidson: "Too many people feel that the Union is something projected on to them."

Davidson got dangerously close to the truth with this statement – they feel this way for a reason. For example, a certain UK power grab...