THAT’S it. Enough is enough. Break out the sgian-dubhs and the targes, head down to Hadrian’s Wall and tell the English you can try to take our devolution, but you’ll never get our square sausage.
For in an astonishing development that will fair take Scottish breath away, a company in Cheshire has developed the Squig, which it calls “square British sausage” – is nothing sacred?
We’ve had Westminster telling Barrs to change the recipe of our beloved Irn Bru, we’ve got whisky distilleries springing up across England, and as National readers know, all sorts of Scottish food and drink is now dressed in Union Jackery.
This is surely a step too far, however. Without so much as a by your leave, Cottom Foods of Widnes has ‘invented’ Squig, which bears a remarkable resemblance to that most venerable of Scottish foods, the Lorne, square or sliced sausage – and yes, they sell it in packaging draped in the Union Flag.
The ingredients of the basic Squig are ground pork “mixed with a secret blend of herbs and spices,” as the company website states. Funnily enough, the basic ingredients of a Lorne Sausage are ground pork or meat, and herbs and spices, though you won’t find too many herbs in most Scottish square sausages.
The main difference appears to be that Lorne sausage – and no, it’s not named after Tommy Lorne the comedian but the Lorne area of Argyll – contains rusk while Squigs are gluten free. But they are definitely sausages and definitely square and frankly that’s just not fair to our dear square Scottish.
To be fair to Cottom, however, they have taken the square sausage concept a bit further with ‘Cumberland’ and ‘Caramelised Onion’ varieties and whisper it, those sound quite delicious.
They have also signed a contract with supermarket giant Morrisons to sell Squigs in their stores. The list of the branches stocking them show that Morrisons – blamed for a lot of Union Jackery by National readers – are not completely undiplomatic for none of the branches is in Scotland, while the Morrisons just over the border at Berwick is also not on the list.
The company website tells the Squig Story: “A few years ago, in a kitchen not so far away…Daniel was cooking breakfast for his daughter.
“As she looked on she asked a simple honest question, as only children can ‘Daddy. Why are sausages round?’
“As Daniel was getting frustrated, chasing them around the pan, he said to his daughter: “I don’t know…but I wish they weren’t!!’
“And thus the idea for SQUIGS was born!”
The problem for square sausage – which is thought to have been developed to fit in a Scottish morning roll and is one of the key ingredients of a full Scottish breakfast – is that no one has ever patented the Lorne, square or sliced sausage.
It also does not have protected geographical status from the EU which means anyone can make them. Blast!
No one was available for comment at Cottom Foods.
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