AFTER 18 years in the field of journalism, David Torrance has announced he will be moving on to a new career as a clerk in the House of Commons Library.
There’s no denying that Scotland is polarised when it comes to Torrance’s opinions – and whether or not he should have grown his beard (I say it’s a strong look). We’re here to present five times David gave us a smile, or grimace, and why he will ultimately be missed from the world of Scottish political journalism.
1 - When Alex Salmond slapped him down brutally in The Herald’s letters section:
When writing a biography, it’s generally considered to be good practice to know a little about the subject of your work. Or at least I assume that’s the case, having not yet had the chance to write one.
So it was rather explosive when, after Torrance published his unauthorised book on Alex Salmond, the former First Minister himself wrote to The Herald claiming that not only did he hardly know the biographer, but that the same was true in reverse.
In a brutal Mean Girls “she doesn’t even go here” style reveal, Salmond claimed that Torrance “doesn’t know me at all”.
“NOW that I have time on my hands to read newspapers, I noted the musings from my self-appointed biographer David Torrance,” the former First Minister wrote.
“I understand, of course, that thus far the general Scottish response to the referendum is the exact opposite of what Tory-leaning David would have wished, and also he must be totally devastated by my standing down - thus depriving him of a lucrative income stream.
“However, allow me just two observations. First, I hardly know David Torrance. And secondly - and much more problematically for a biographer - he doesn't know me at all.”
It’s not exactly a ringing endorsement of the book …
2 – That time he wore a Scottish Resistance T-shirt
Write as many opinion pieces as you like, but it’s a well-known truth that you haven’t truly caught the attention of the Scottish political scene until you’ve been pictured in a Scottish Resistance T-shirt.
I know I'm late to the party, but... (that's my serious face) pic.twitter.com/n5MckzY2n8
— David Torrance (@davidtorrance) December 29, 2015
I’m happy to say that David Torrance is truly one of the initiated, though you may be asking why David isn’t smiling in this picture.
Well, it isn’t because he's still mourning the death of Margaret Thatcher. According to Torrance, the real reason he looks so serious in the picture is because “the Scottish Resistance is very serious”.
3 - When David noted his favourite part of the Trump book only to discover it didn’t exist:
Michael Wolff's book Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House landed with a bang earlier this year, telling the inside story of the election of America’s child president with a lot of wild claims to boot.
David was quick to get a review of the book out, but was soon caught up in a controversy of his own after it was revealed his favourite part didn’t actually exist!
While reviewing the book, David drew attention a claim that the US President watches a specially-curated channel of fighting gorillas for up to 17 straight hours at a time. Unfortunately, this was a fake excerpt created by Twitter user Pixelated Boat, also known for the creation of Milkshake Duck.
Wow, this extract from Wolff’s book is a shocking insight into Trump’s mind: pic.twitter.com/1ZecclggSa
— popular comedy account “the pixelated boat” (@pixelatedboat) January 5, 2018
In all fairness to David … this isn’t exactly an unbelievable claim when it comes to Donald Trump. This is a man who recently bragged that he was as humble as the Pope.
4 - When David appeared in the SNP’s latest party political broadcast:
Never let it be said that Torrance doesn’t have a sense of humour. Dipping his toes into acting, he played a version of himself, the bespectacled hipster “Davey” in an SNP party political broadcast, with a performance that was praised by critics as both moving and complex.
The manner in which Torrance really got to grips with the intricacies of his character was a masterclass in acting in political satire. One of the greats, right there.
🤷 What has the SNP ever done for us?
— The SNP (@theSNP) January 18, 2018
Watch our latest party political broadcast to find out and share it with your friends, family and followers.
Read more about the SNP’s record over the last 10 years: https://t.co/ee4BAqdeYh pic.twitter.com/vhTU8cnEap
5 - When David said cameras were too complicated for Scots (sort of):
Torrance found himself in the centre of another Twitterstorm after suggesting that, while Scots would be quite capable of producing our own radio channels, cameras might prove too tricky for us.
Speaking against the case for a “Scottish Six” news programme on BBC Scotland, he claimed that “radio is much easier” and doesn’t involve difficult things like “pictures” and “camera equipment”.
While we think he was trying to say that the investment and infrastructure required for a television programme would be one of the biggest challenges on the road to its delivery, his statement was much-mocked online.
We wish David well in whatever he tries his hand at next. Our bet is he’ll ultimately be taking up the mantle of the job for which he’s clearly be angling for years … AS THE HEAD OF MI5.
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