LEAVING aside the vexed question of whether combining the two at such close quarters is particularly good for the heart, it’s a fact that the festive period is as much about a lusty going-out schedule as it is about attaining catatonia in front of Doctor Who. With that in mind (and zero medical liability on our part), here’s our guide to the best of the festive clubbing options in Scotland, all the way from the bright-eyed, energetic zeal of the week before Christmas to the strange, frazzled serenity of New Year’s Day’s last-gasp rave-ups.
Glasgow
The Sub Club is almost always the club that fires the starter’s pistol on Glasgow’s Christmas clubbing binge, and this year is no different. On Wednesday December 21 they bring Denis Sulta, whose extraordinary year was just topped off with 26th place in Resident Advisor’s Top DJs of 2016 poll. Joining him is Artwork, who, in the words of Jackmaster in a recent interview in The National, “brings something to the party that nobody else can. Not only does he play good music but his personality is just incredible. When Artwork enters a room it turns everything on its head, he’s the funniest guy I know”.
The reliably ludicrous Let Your Elf Go (December 23) will probably be the only thing at the Sub Club that rivals Artwork for comedy all Christmas, while the Art School has a worthy competitor the same evening in The Late Night Sketchy Alternative Xmas Party, a two-floor party with sets from The Girobabies, Mickey 9s, The Moods and Jonathon Rdrk Gillies, among many others.
Boxing Day is always a red-letter clubbing day in Glasgow on which the shackles of the previous day’s brandy butter coma and Mrs Brown’s Boys marathon are cast off in favour of more visceral delights. Optimo’s traditional boxing day outing (Sub Club) is the perennial epicentre, and with Twitch and Wilkes taking a rare year off from holding a Hogmanay party, this year’s should be an even more intense blast of fun than usual. The Rum Shack, meanwhile, has a pretty fabulous-sounding warm-up event in the almost philosophically titled Boxing Day Blowout (The Space Between The Parties), the blurb of which is worth quoting at length.
“Looking at a map of the party season, you’ll see the familiar topography of Christmas’s gluttonous slopes on one side and the all-encompassing funshadow of NYE casting itself across the remainder of the year on the other...What if I told you that there was a hidden village on that map? A place where wild children gather? A place where fun is allowed to grow its tangled blossoms, unfettered by dangerously flammable ironic knitwear and untainted by worries about unpleasant taxi tumbles with the once-a-year roister doisters? A place where Jeff Mills isn’t just for Christmas? Well there is such a place… nay, a cherished utopia… and its name is Boxing Day!”
A Yuletide-adapted litany of beloved Glasgow names including Shaunta Claus, Maya The Nightwave After Christmas, Richard “Chipolata” Chater, David Baublerossa and Fergus “Krampus” Clark will be moving seamlessly between the decks and the mulled wine through the evening.
Between Boxing Day and Hogmanay the standouts are Animal Farm’s 12th birthday with Ben Klock (December 29, Sub Club), and Loose Joints and Stereotone’s night at the Berkeley Suite on December 30 with Amsterdam institution and certified “character” San Proper. Hogmanay options are legion as ever, with Gerd Janson and Jackmaster comprising a pretty unbeatable tag team at the Sub Club. Synergy Concerts and Leisure System’s two-floor blowout at Glasgow School of Art undoubtedly has the greatest strength in depth of any party in Scotland over the Christmas period. Top names on the bill are John Hopkins and Nathan Fake. Broadcast and the Berkeley Suite also have solid options in Adesse Versions and Rex The Dog respectively, while La Cheetah has a decidedly tasty looking two-floor lineup that includes Sassy J, Rahaan, Randomer, Spencer, Partial and more.
There’s remarkably little let-up on New Year’s Day in Glasgow, even by the city’s own heady standards. A glut of options, headed up by DVS1, Blawan and Slam (The Depot NYD Rave at 33 Scotland Street), Kerri Chandler (Sub Club), Roy Davis Jr (Hillhead Book Club) and Ivan Smagghe and Sean Johnson (Berkeley Suite) await the well-rested or (more likely) still-up clubber.
Edinburgh
The capital has its share of pre-Christmas distractions, with Paradise Palms channelling a Let Your Elf Go-ish stripe of frivolity at the nine-hour Friday Night Beat Laundry Xmas Party, at which Christmas jumpers, disturbingly, are “encouraged”. The same evening, Pulse at La Belle Angele hosts a 25 Years of Soma Records party featuring Slam, Silicone Soul and a live set from Simon Stokes, aka Petrichor. Over at the Mash House, meanwhile, Headset & Witness have something completely different in the shape of UK Garage don and Ghost Recordings founder El-B and UK funky/grime crossover sort Champion.
Boxing Day is healthily catered-to as well, though admittedly it’s DJs from over in Glasgow who’re largely conspiring to make it so. Subculture’s Harri & Domenic will be turning in six hours of immaculately curated house and techno at their Boxing Day Belter at The National’s favourite Edinburgh spot Sneaky Pete’s, and this week’s Five of the Best contributors Andrew Thomson and Brian D’Souza (aka Auntie Flo) are in action at Highlife's party at Paradise Palms.
A little unusually, Hogmanay in Edinburgh looks every bit as strong in the capital as it does in Glasgow this year. A healthy contingent from the west will be heading east for Bigfoot’s and Sneaky Pete’s huge party at The Biscuit Factory, at which The Black Madonna and nd_baumecker are the guests. Sneaky’s also has a Hogmanay party at its own venue, with Gerd Janson playing from 10pm to 12.30am before he heads over to Subculture in Glasgow. Nightvision have also planned a biggie at the Liquid Rooms, with Jackmaster playing early on before joining Janson at the Sub Club, and Alan Fitzpatrick and Butch taking the reins after that.
Elsewhere
The Tunnels has two of Aberdeen’s best parties over in festive period, with veteran Spanish pair Pig&Dan dropping in for TLF’s event on December 23 and the perennially gig-shy Jackmaster guesting at Sub Rosa on Boxing Day. In Dundee, meanwhile, the festive season’s best bet looks to be Glasgow producer Gary Beck’s show at The Reading Rooms on Boxing Day. And in Paisley on Hogmanay there’s the last-ever party at The Club, formerly Club 69, which is sadly closing after countless years of leading the charge for quality house, techno, electro and more in Scotland. Guests are yet to be announced, but we're sure it'll be a fitting send-off for one of Scotland's best and most influential clubs.
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