September 2014

Scotland has narrowly voted Yes to independence. It was a long night for campaigners who stayed up to watch the results come in. The turning point came when Aberdonians threw their weight behind a Yes vote. Locals renamed the city’s pleasure beach, Freedom Beach.

For David Cameron, who started the campaign off with a 20-point lead, it was his worst nightmare. He is the Prime Minister who presided over the end of the Union.

In a phone call to the Queen to tell her the result, his aides overhear her Majesty ‘barking’ down the phone to him.

At 7am he steps in front of the cameras gathered outside 10 Downing Street and addresses the nation. “The people of Scotland have spoken. It is a clear result.”

Cameron announces his resignation causing an immediate leadership crisis in the Tories as Nick Clegg becomes acting Prime Minister.


November 2014

After a brutal leadership battle Theresa May becomes leader of a divided party. Labour ride high in the polls, though Scottish MPs worried for their livelihood plot a coup against Ed Miliband to replace him with someone not associated with Better Together and Project Fear. Andy Burnham gets the job, narrowly beating Jim Murphy, the man, the newspapers say, the SNP is afraid of.

Burnham has a cordial meeting with Johann Lamont, the leader of Scottish Labour. She asks him not treat the party in Scotland like a branch office now that Scotland is independent. He responds by complaining to her senior manager Jim Murphy.

In Glasgow, the Editor of the Sunday Herald Richard Walker proposes a new daily paper in support of Scottish independence.

“We’ll call it The National!” he says. His bosses say there’s no point and he resigns.


March 2015

One year before independence day, and support for independence has grown steadily. Some prominent No campaigners start to say they’re getting used to the idea of independence.

Michelle Mone says she was always a secret Yesser, and asks Nicola Sturgeon if she can be an business tsar in an independent Scotland. Sturgeon says no. Mone leaves to go live in London.

The Hands Across The Border Cairns becomes the site of Prime Minister Theresa May’s first Scotland–England border crossing. Talking of which, Alex Salmond’s rejects Donald Trump’s kind offer to build a wall across the Border.

“We’ll make the English pay,” the Donald says. “They’ll like paying. It’ll be beautiful. They’ll pay, pay, pay.”


May 2015

Labour win the General Election by a handful of seats. Prime Minister Andy Burnham has his stone ball carving of promises, the so-called Burnham boulder, installed in the back garden of Number 10 Downing Street.

Labour are all but wiped out north of the Border. Out of the ashes come two new parties, one, who though not in support of independence, led by Kezia Dugdale wants to see Scotland flourish.

The other, led by Jim Murphy, wants Scotland to rejoin the Union as soon as possible and promise direct action. They call themselves the British Resistance and have special T-shirts made up.

Theresa May stands down. Boris Johnson and Iain Duncan Smith go head to head, but IDS loses promising a referendum on EU membership.

Despite winning his seat by just 700 votes, Alistair Carmichael becomes leader of the Liberal Democrats as he’s the only one who really wants it.


June 2015

Scottish businessman Donald Trump announces he will run to be the Republican candidate for President of the United States of America. Nobody takes him seriously.

His comments about Mexicans and Muslims are met with immediate revulsion from Scots and the Scottish Government. Robert Gordon University remove his honorary degree. Ministers take away his Global Scot ambassador title. A furious Trump threatens to waterboard John Swinney and says he will build a wall between Scotland and the US if he becomes President.

He attempts to sell his golf courses, and fails. He then buys every other golf course in the country and changes the name of the game to Trump. People now have to say they’re going for a round of Trump. Scotland stops playing golf.


October 2015

A renewed sense of purpose and optimism has a positive effect on the sports teams of Scotland. The Scottish football team qualify for Euro 2016. The rugby team still get knocked out of the world cup because of the poor refereeing decisions of Craig Joubert. But Scotland’s nearly independent, so everyone’s too happy to bear a grudge.

Meanwhile, hardcore Unionists who still can’t get over the referendum result, and believe it to be a fix, set up camp outside the Scottish Parliament. Although small in number, the residents of the UnionCamp are committed to their cause and reject all attempts by the Scottish Parliamentary Corporate Body to move them on. A lengthy court case follows, though campers reject the authority of the Scottish courts and try to invoke the soon-to-be-revoked Act of Union.


January 2016

Prime Minister Burnham drops plans for border patrols to be established between Scotland and England after hundreds of complaints from people taking the overnight Megabus between London and Glasgow.

However, he finds his position becoming increasingly untenable after being too indecisive over Europe’s refugee crisis. Unwilling to take a position either way, the left of the party see their chance and call a vote of no confidence.

Burnham loses and Jeremy Corbyn becomes Prime Minister. He immediately calls an election.

Boris Johnson wins and promises to hold a referendum on the UK’s membership of the European Union.


March 2016

Independence day. Her Majesty the Queen, Scottish Prime Minister Alex Salmond, rest of the UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson and dignitaries from all over the world attend a massive celebration in Holyrood. The guests sing the new Scottish anthem.