What are your thoughts on the Olympics? – Stevie, Edinburgh

Well, the Olympics are a pretty big deal. Not as big a deal as the Highland Games, but still a pretty big deal. I mean, I could dwell on the absurdity of BMX cycling being considered an Olympic event while the caber toss and Maide Leisg remain ignored, but I wouldn’t want to come across as bitter. Especially when there is the much more important issue of Scotland not having its own Olympic team. There are 53 Scots in Team GB and, frankly, they seem to have a much stronger grasp of their sporting events than their English counterparts. For example, I’ve found myself watching the British diving team and wondering why they’re wasting their time with a bunch of fancy flips and twists – everyone knows the fastest way to get into the water is a good ol’ fashioned cannonball!

Indeed, there seems to be an obvious bias against Scotland in a number of sports. The volleyball contest takes place on a beach with sand, and not one comprised of sharp rocks and empty cans of Tennent’s. In boxing, female fighters you have to wear a strange rubber hat that stops them from utilising a Glasgow kiss when the ref’s not looking. However, perhaps the most glaring oversight is the absence of a takeaway at the end of the 100m sprint. Who would want to run 100m unless it was to eat pakora and drink beer? All of these facts highlight not only why the Olympics are fundamentally flawed but also raise the tantalising question of why we don’t beef up the Highland Games and go into direction competition with it?

The Commonwealth Games in Glasgow were a massive sporting, financial and tourism success story. With a few minor tweaks, the Highland Games could theoretically be an event of equal magnitude. My vision for it is essentially an episode of Gladiators from the early 1990s except with sheaf tosses and whisky. As much as it’s important to promote sport, it’s infinitely more important to promote Scottishness. After all, as my dad used to say, it’s better to be a fat man in a kilt than a thin man in trousers! What starts with a Super Extreme Deluxe Highland Games could lead to a tourism revolution that would include, but not be limited to an SNP theme park, wind farm appreciation tours and a fully redesigned version of Edinburgh Castle with my face beamed on to it. Stevie, if you ask me, it’s time for us to stop chasing gold abroad and start raking it in at home!

I didn’t do so well in my exams and not sure I’ll get into university now. What should I do? – Shelley,

East Kilbride

I’m sure many people are probably making this feel like the end of the world for you right now. However, you cannot lose sight of the fact that those people are absolute bampots. Just because you’re not academic doesn’t mean you’re not intelligent, creative and a hard worker. University isn’t for everyone. You can actually get pretty far in life with sound work ethic, regular alcohol consumption and a Twitter account. I mean, degrees are great and everything, but when thousands upon thousands of people have the same ones and all the jobs are taken, they’re not the key to success some make them out to be. By not getting into university, you’ve simply chosen to go against the grain of modern society.

Look at it as an opportunity to contemplate alternative routes; whether they be utilising personal talents, apprenticeships, volunteer work, college courses, local employment or even the military – there are plenty of options for non-academics out there.

University is about acquiring knowledge, but it’s not necessarily about acquiring employment. If you want to be independent and have some extra cash to enjoy the weekend with, then you might find a short course that leads directly into a job could be the best option for you. Sexy Socialism is all about individuality and ingenuity – and those are traits that will really make you stand out on a CV. After all, if everyone has the same degrees and life experiences, employers are going to find it difficult to separate the wheat from the chaff. Building up distinctiveness, experience, and, most importantly, confidence is the key to success. Right now, a lot of people are going to try to knock the confidence out of you – but that’s not how Sexy Socialism rolls. If you ask me, and you have, I think you should take your results as an indication of what you’re not, rather than what you are. You’re not academic. So what? Neither am I!

Neither are lots and lots of people who have steady jobs and happy lives. Right now you need to focus on finding out who you are and what you can bring to the world, and being free from the shackles of high school will help with that no end. Whatever happens, don’t let anyone tell you that there is one road to success or that they know what’s best for you. They don’t. Take advice but come to your own conclusions and believe in yourself. That’s my approach to politics, and it can be a great approach to life too.