I AM Glaswegian, Scottish, and European. I’m proud of all three. Not uncritically, of course. All those communities, where I’ve lived my whole life, have varied traditions, from fighting against fascism to being complicit in empire and racism. On the precipice of this week’s vote, where should we look today in search of the noble tradition of a better, equal Europe?
I’d been looking, listening, hoping for a clear and positive reason to vote one way or another. It never arrived. Instead there’s been a campaign that, in the main, has been nasty, brutish and (thankfully) short.
The characters and causes haven’t helped. There are untrustworthy Tories on both sides, corporate groups and think-tanks letting out groans of financial fears, and the disgusting undertone of racism and anti-immigrant prejudice.
Yet there are hopeful people out there. Campaigners for a people’s Europe want to change the EU from within. They speak of workers’ rights, climate change, peace and human rights.
Those are fine ambitions, but seem naive in the context of Cameron’s narrow renegotiation. The UK political leadership, in reality, wasted its greatest chance for EU reform.
Higher up the naivety spectrum are the arguments of those who wanted a "Lexit" – leaving the EU for a more socialist country. Scorning the EU establishment’s direction on refugee rights, collective ownership, the treatment of Greece, and the TTIP corporate trade pact, they claim a future UK Government could take a more progressive path.
Despite its best intentions, I feel this view is oblivious to the UK’s poor record in all these areas. In fact, Leave campaign leaders are open in their calls for more right-wing policies if they get their way.
With realistic evidence of change in short supply, neither vote looks likely to bring progress in the UK or Europe. But what about Scotland?
Surprisingly, the EU referendum has lacked a straightforward nationalist campaign for a Remain vote. The SNP, successful when "speaking up for Scotland", supports the general benefits of the EU but has been quieter on the future self-interest to Scotland being a member.
Full independent EU membership would give Scotland far greater influence than it's ever had as a region of the UK’s membership. It means having real power in an international organisation, including vetoes and direct representation at the highest level.
Nicola Sturgeon waited until the last days of campaigning to send a clear nationalist message to supporters.
Any possibility of a post-Brexit independence referendum requires a high Remain vote in Scotland, she said. It’s true.
Every Leave vote in Scotland would make the country’s negotiating position weaker if Scotland’s majority view is ignored by Westminster once again.
But even that Machiavellian strategy, of nationalist hopes near and far, is hardly a reason to vote Remain wholeheartedly. Instead I’ve admitted defeat: what we face is a choice of a lesser evil. What vote will do the least harm?
It wasn’t until the last week that I swung strongly behind one side. I saw Nigel Farage’s sickly, grinning face before that ugly, race-baiting poster.
I read the polls that immigration was the top issue for Leave voters. I heard the nasty rhetoric of blame and division, most concentrated on the Leave side. I thought about the three million EU citizens in the UK excluded from this election.
That concentrated my mind. That slippery euphemism – "control our borders" – is the cry of right-wing English nationalism, and it is close to power. We have to shout back.
For my friends forced out of my city by the bureaucratic bullying of the Home Office; for the millions who have moved here and enriched this land; for the millions of Scots who emigrated themselves; for the refugees welcomed out of respect of freedom from fear – my vote is for you.
This referendum may have felt glib compared to the movement of 2014, but it doesn’t need to be. The murder of Jo Cox brought home the reality of the politics of hate and its dangers. While no vote on Thursday alone will end that threat, it has made me choose a side.
I won’t join David Cameron’s celebrations if he is on the winning side this week. I’ll feel flat either way. But I will take some comfort if Ukip’s English nationalist project fails in its search for vindication.
That will be small comfort. What verdict this vote reaches on migration will matter most.
In a week when the United Nations said 65 million people were displaced by conflict and that European leaders had “stirred up” a “climate of xenophobia”, it is important to say we are not afraid.
Wherever our neighbours come from in the world, you are welcome here. My hope is to wake up on Friday in a country where that can still be the case.
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