STRICTLY COME DANCING BBC1, 6.50pm
NO-ONE should have to watch Balls jiggle. We should not have been forced even to imagine that horror for a single second, but the endless publicity for this new series of Strictly Come Dancing has made it inevitable: Ed Balls is going to dance.
If Labour had not already been so miserably discredited, it would be a jagged embarrassment to have their former shadow chancellor go cavorting about in sequins, but, hey, the damage is done, so why not boogie?
Prise your attention away from dancing Balls and you’ll notice some other celebrities have been lined up to appear, the most recognisable of whom are Bird of a Feather actress Lesley Joseph, singer Anastacia, TV presenter Louise Redknapp and Pop Idol winner Will Young.
But there won’t be much dancing tonight. This is the launch show where the celebs are paired with the professional dancers. The real fun starts in a few weeks’ time.
NEWZOIDS STV, 9.15pm
I FEAR satire is dead, and those fears seemed confirmed when the new series of this satirical show was dumped on Saturday night TV.
You only need to glance at the listings for a Saturday night to see this is not where quality programmes are scheduled. This is the land of Strictly and The X Factor – so what is Newzoids doing here? It’s a satirical show using puppets and animation and the last series was like a blander version of Spitting Image.
I’m hoping they’ve upped their game for the new one because we desperately need tough and iconoclastic satirical TV.
New characters for this series include Donald Trump, Jeremy Corbyn, Adele and Theresa May.
The Trump puppet’s voice is scarily identical to the real thing – and a sports a toupee that is made of fluffy golden kittens.
Why are you making commenting on The National only available to subscribers?
We know there are thousands of National readers who want to debate, argue and go back and forth in the comments section of our stories. We’ve got the most informed readers in Scotland, asking each other the big questions about the future of our country.
Unfortunately, though, these important debates are being spoiled by a vocal minority of trolls who aren’t really interested in the issues, try to derail the conversations, register under fake names, and post vile abuse.
So that’s why we’ve decided to make the ability to comment only available to our paying subscribers. That way, all the trolls who post abuse on our website will have to pay if they want to join the debate – and risk a permanent ban from the account that they subscribe with.
The conversation will go back to what it should be about – people who care passionately about the issues, but disagree constructively on what we should do about them. Let’s get that debate started!
Callum Baird, Editor of The National
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules here