THE SECRET LIFE OF MIDGES, BBC1, 9pm
From a distance you could agree the midge is a small price to pay to be granted the beauty of the countryside. Yes, from a distance you could say that, but not when you’re up close, approaching a haze of them hanging under a tree, then feeling them nip, itch and nibble at you. Up close you could swear, flap your hands and run straight back to the car. They feed on human blood – what else needs to be said?
Dr James Logan studies insects at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, and presents this programme which shows us how to deal with these tiny pests, this “small beast with a big reputation.” He also explains why some humans are more attractive to midges than others, so it’s not just paranoia or a bad mood which makes you sure the wee blighters are flocking to you and not others.
With each midge weighing just one 2000th of a gram, it seems strange to think of the havoc and discomfort they can cause, and Dr Logan runs some experiments with campers, villagers and local shinty players to see how best to cope with midges.
SCOT SQUAD, BBC1, 10.35pm
I was worried that the second series of this spoof police show might introduce new characters but I’m glad to report that they haven’t tampered with their brilliant cast. However, one change has been made, though it’s for the best: the mockingly serious narration used to be jammed full of absolutely aggravating and annoying alliterations but this has been dropped. Otherwise, it’s the same, I’m glad to report, as Series One.
Two daft cops visit a posh house to deliver a summons and find a burglar at work, but he’s determined to pretend he’s the man of the house. It belongs to an Asian family so he insists his name is Jimbo Kumar. He’s from the East, you see. The East End, ask the cops? Ah, no further East than that, he says. What, Fife?
But the best characters are Officer Karen and Boabby. Making the police accessible to the community means weary Officer Karen has to politely deal with his incessant visits to the station, even when he’s just there to say, “Awrite, Officer Karen! Want a shot of ma stunt kite?” or to report that he’s found a welly full of gloves.
THE MUPPETS, SKY1, 8pm
Apparently, one either loves or hates the Muppets but I can’t say that these toys provoke either emotional extreme in me. I even have a scrap of fondness for them, having watched The Muppets’ Christmas Carol endlessly in my sorry youth due to my obsession with Michael Caine. My friends had crushes on movie stars who’d be in blockbusting thrillers and rom-coms. Me? I had to take what I could get, and that was Muppets.
Imaginatively titled “The Muppets”, this new series is a spoof documentary which takes us behind the scenes as the gang make a chat show called Up Late With Miss Piggy. Kermit is the stressed-out producer and Miss Piggy, naturally, is the demanding diva who’s presenting the show. In between the havoc of trying to produce the show and keep tempers cool, the Muppets reveal all to the cameras about their love lives, scandals, break-ups and personal problems.
This is the Muppets for adults, hardly x-rated but not aimed at a family audience nonetheless, and so some of their cosy appeal has been lost.
FARGO, C4, 10pm
How to summarise Fargo in these few short paragraphs? It’s hard to say how brilliant it is, so let me invite you to imagine its brilliance: in watching it, I mashed a cushion into my face (and you will too, in watching the scene in the Waffle Hut) and let a Twix go unattended for the duration. I don’t ignore Twixes lightly, and I don’t voluntarily smudge my make-up with Marks and Spencer cushions, but that’s what Fargo drove me to.
This is the new series of Fargo and introduces a whole new story and group of characters so everyone is welcome here, whether they’re newcomers or obsessives, like me. Fargo is a black, black, ever so black, comedy set in the hick towns of snowy South Dakota and Minnesota. These little places seem so bland, homely and chilly; surely the locals have no inclination for anything but hunkering down for the winter with a blanket and a big old cup of hot chocolate, maybe risking a visit to the local bar for something a little warmer? No, these dismal little towns can’t be the seat of murders and horrors and warped, weird, wonderful people?
The story is set in 1979 and a local crime family are in disarray when their tough old father has a stroke. The two eldest sons try and maintain control but their daft little brother has something to prove, and he tries to prove it with a tough female judge in the Waffle Hut diner.
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